As a testament to what a wonderful person I am deep down inside, I offer you the following, the dream I had sometime in the middle of the night, from which I woke at 4:15 a.m. thinking WTF?:
It’s late summer, the temperatures are beginning to fall, and the Spouse Thingy and I decide to take four small children, all under the age of 6, to Disney Land. I do not know who these children are and I never hear their names, but it’s a group of 3 little boys and one little girl. We all hold hands as we walk across the Interstate, and voila, there lies the Magical Kingdom.
We take them inside for five whole minutes, then decide it’s time to check into the hotel, where they will take naps. And they do, they’re good little kids who snuggle into their beds in our three bedroom suite at the Motel 8, without complaint nor tears.
The Spouse Thingy and I are thirsty, so we go looking for a soda. That’s it, just ONE soft drink to split between the two of us, because we can’t afford two of them. We wander up and down corridors of the ostentatious Motel 8, through the Mall of America, into a convenience store, and stop to sit on a bench at the park while we drink our soda.
We turn around, and there’s the Motel, so we go back and decide to wake the kidlets to feed them green beans. Four kids, one can of green beans. And they ate the green beans happily. And no one cried when we declared it was time to go home.
And that’s when I woke up.
Let us point out how wonderful I obviously am:
- We walked 4 strange kids across a busy Interstate.
- We let them enjoy the Happiest Place On Earth for five whole minutes.
- We made them take a nap.
- We abandoned them while we went looking for a single soda.
- We then fed them a canned veggie.
- And then we made them go home.
Yep. That’s how wonderful I am. If dreams have meaning, I’m pretty sure mine means I’m gonna burn in hell…