24 August 2026

 More Oddz N Endz...maybe Part 0110110110

Something I did not consider when I decided it was finally time to shed some weight: at my age, loss comes with excess skin, and that excess skin is all wrinkly and saggy. I now have some solid Grandma Arms(TM) that will turn into bat wings if I get going too fast. On one hand...gross. On the other...I've always wanted to be able to fly. 

Currently down 35, and it's very slow going. Another lesson, boys and girls. If you lose it in your senior years, the process takes twice as long, it seems. I started in earnest in November last year (yep, right in time for the holidays) and 35 is all I've managed on a pretty low calorie diet (no, not too low.) I'm not at all unhappy about that; hell, this is the most comfortable I've been with my body since I was 30 and actively training in a martial art.

Though thinking about that, even then I thought I was fat.

Our minds play awful tricks on us.

One that's not a mind trick: without boobs, what's left of my tummy is super flabby and looks like I'm carting around an inner tube. Until I started this whole thing I never thought I would consider surgical means to get rid of it, but no lie, it crossed my mind. It's probably spendy, though, and if I did that I'd want to trim down the grandma arms, and then tighten something here and there, and next thing you know, I'm 95% plastic.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.  

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Several weeks ago the Spouse Thingy asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I had an answer ready to pop out: a scooter. I didn't want a big one, just something to tool around town on. I had my eye on a Honda Metropolitan, a tiny 49cc putt-putt, and he was like, great, fine, that works.

However...that particular scooter (along with a few other Hondas) is on a stop-sell order. Not only can't they sell it, the dealers have them in storage to keep them away from potential buyers. So I figured, hey, why not look at some others since there's no telling when the order will be lifted. Yamaha makes a few. Suzuki makes a few (though perhaps bigger than I wanted.) Vespa. Kymco. 

We could not find *any.* 

There's a shop in downtown Sacramento called Scooter City, with a webpage showing a beautiful showroom filled with Kymco, Sym, and a few others. So off we went, after researching and learning that Kymco is not horrible, and we had the checkbook in hand.

Scooter City, as it turns out, no longer sells scooters. They just repair them.

That was a long drive and going through downtown traffic was not fun. Especially after we left the shop and got into the car...just to be nailed by a hit and run driver. Now the damages wasn't bad; the side view mirror on the driver's side lost the plastic back cover, but Mike recovered it and was able to pop it back on. There are a few scratches, but that's it.

While in the shop? Owner-dude let us know that no one in the Sac area was selling scooters. There were a few big scooters on showroom floors, but little ones like the Vespa and Kymco just weren't in the area. He suggested we head for the Bay Area, where you can find them easily.

Hard nope.

Two days later we went to the Honda dealership to look at mini-motos instead...and found 2 Navi* bikes we really liked. So...happy birthday to me a little early.

 

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I turn 65 in two days. I'm not as unhappy with that as I thought I would be...probably because for years I thought I would shuffle off when I hit 50. Having to switch to medicare stung a little, but getting a little SS money** every month will be nice.

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*110cc, so we will not be riding on the Interstate. I don't think I trust myself on I-80 on a motorcycle, especially a mini-moto. These are just for putt-putting around our smallish town, maybe some back roads.

**like, very little lol 

23 July 2026

 Oddz & Endz #76.1

 Ok, this is probably the longest I've gone letting the dust just pile up around here. I kinda lost my writing mojo for a long time and haven't done much of anything since I last posted here. That includes writing-writing, and I left a massively unfinished manuscript languishing on my computer. The good news on that front is that I have the whole story in my head still, and it's about ready to come pouring out.

I need more hours in the day to get it done, but things are easing up so I fully expect to get back to it this weekend. Expect to. That means very little, I know.

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One of the biggest things we've been up to is purging and donating stuff we no longer need or want. Two bedrooms cleared out; I got rid of about 95% of my stuff, and almost as much in the way of clothing. And I still have too much. I think we've taken 12+ car loads of stuff for donation, and considering we have a Mazda CX90, that's a lot of car space to fill. And it doesn't include the massive pile we tossed into the back yard, things too broken or worthless to donate...holy fork, it was $$ to have hauled away.

One bedroom is now a playroom for Amelia. We get to have her a couple days a week while both parents are working, and it felt like time for her to have her own space. It gets the toys out of the living room (though she's free to drag some back out here if she wants) and if she wants to watch Elmo on repeat for an hour, or Ms. Rachel, she can (and the cords have now been hidden, lest tiny finger try to yank on them.) So far she seems to like it...and so do the cats.

The other room is for my MIL. She needed her own space, too. Not sharing pix of that, because she deserves some privacy, but take my word: after painting and stuff, it's a very nice room. She's with us part time, because for some reason the Spouse Thingy's sister didn't want us hogging her. So rather than fight over her, the siblings did the mature thing and split her lol

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With July fading into August, it's time to start training for The Great Cycle Challenge in September. I pledge 200 miles when I registered back in January, but like always, I'm hoping for more. I'm 33 pounds lighter than I was during last year's challenge, so I have high hopes I can ride it faster and rack up more miles with each ride than I did before.

And no, my boobs were not 33 pounds, so losing them didn't help on that front. But that did eliminate the pain I'd been in, so I'm a touch more spry, I think.

OTOH, maybe I'll do the whole thing on my slow-as-chit trike, and really work for it. That thing is a ton of fun, but it's heavy and slow. Zero cardio benefit for me, but there's just something about it. And if I do, then I can listen to complaints about YOU HAVE THE DREAM BIKE WHY AREN'T YOU USING THAT ONE?  

What? And get it dirty? Tsk.

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 I really hope I don't let this blog just sit here again. The dust is hard to get up, and I'm a lousy housekeeper.

24 November 2025

Here's something I did not give enough consideration to while uber-excited about getting a mastectomy: if you have a tummy of any distended size, when your boobs are gone it will be MUCH more noticeable. Like, you go from looking a bit overweight to OH WOW WHEN ARE YOU DUE, ELDERLY MOM???

lol I actually own this one

I am so glad that it's hoodie season. 

There have been some concerns post-surgery, but nothing of the healing sort. No, now I have to worry about who's looking at what when I enter a public restroom. I've only had one sideways glance, but I think that was owed mostly to the super short hair I have right now, or maybe my stellar post-menopausal goatee. I wouldn't even think about it if not for a previous encounter with a tiny Asian woman who bopped me a few times with her purse in a McD's restroom several years ago.

We're joining a gym next week (pointless this week as we are busy as hell) and the locker room is another worry-point, but only marginally. Spouse Thingy thinks that if someone confronts me I should just yank my shirt up, show them the scars, and growl "I had a mastectomy, bitch." That is not outside the realm of possible for me, but...you know. It's not gonna happen, but if it does, who knows what I'll say. For someone with social anxiety that's only gotten worse over the years, I have one hell of a mouth sometimes.

The healing process was pretty uneventful. When I wrote before I was getting my drains out, that did not happen. On that day, I still had a not-insignificant amount of drainage, so the doc declared they were staying in place for 5 days more. I was disappointed, sure, because the drains are the worst part of the whole ordeal and I wanted them out. Going home with the tubes still jammed into my sides was not what I'd planned for.

Apparently, no one told the right drain. That night, the bulb would not decompress, so there was no suction. The next morning, I sat up in bed, and the tube was just flapping around by my waist.

Not a problem, the doc said when Spouse Thing called. I might get some fluid build up, but that's it.

Five days later, it was Last Drain Day. I got up and headed to the kitchen to hand out kitty snacks, and realized there was a tube flapping around at my waist again. 

Freedom.

How'd they come out? I dunno...could be the 16,000 times I sat on the tubes, slowly pulling them out. Could have been my body saying, nah, we're done. Could have been the cats. Who knows?

But honestly, those drains were the worst part, and they were never painful. Just annoying to have. 

I never really got to a point of OUCHY; I had (and still have) some tenderness, but the pain was so minimal that making myself not do things was difficult. I have to admit to picking up a cat now and then, and eventually Amelia because how could I not??? (I promise, I was careful and Mike as right there if something felt off.) 

At not quite 4 weeks, 2 weeks ahead of schedule, I was cleared to slowly resume regular activities.

That meant I could get on my bike.

I'm now, what, a few days short of 6 weeks out, and am pretty well healed up. The incisions are completely closed, which frees us to join the gym and hit the pool, and I can start with very light weights until I'm sure it feels ok under my skin. 

I have a couple of dog ears that might been to be addressed later, and still have a dent in my left pec, but I likely won't do anything about that. This was never about aesthetics and if I have a dent, I have a dent. The dog ears, though, get irritated when my arms rub on them, so I might want those clipped off.

Someday I might post a pic...but I want to get rid of the Elderly Mom Flabby Gut first...

HOWEVER...if you REALLY want an idea and to see my torso on an OR table, there's a video out there. I'm not linking to it yet, but if you have Instagram and a strong stomach, look for Folsom Plastic Surgery and hunt through their videos. It was posted on October 28. And fair warning, not only will you see a BEFORE image of my nekkid torso (lol tattoos blurred out but you can totally tell it's me) you will also see a shot of my bloody removed breasts on a surgical tray. 

So, have at it. No one is allowed to poke fun of the tummy, tho. I actually am self-conscious about it, especially now. You seeing my old boobs, not at all. They're not mine anymore, anyway.

This is probably the last post on the surgery I'll make, unless there are questions. My life is no longer revolving around it; instead it's revolving around Amelia and getting to babysit and that is so much more fun. 

4 November 2025

 

 

BLOG BLAST FOR PEACE 2025

21 October 2025

I knew recovery would be a process, with ups and downs and all, but until last night it's pretty much been all ups.

And then came SHOWER DAY which excited me, and meant taking off the dressings to see the incision and drain ports...and then redressing everything.

Problem is, I chose the wrong materials for this. The gauze pads were not quite right, the tape abysmal, and by the time, and it had to be done twice, which included a night time trip to the store by Spouse Thingy to get the right things. n hour or so before bed, I was all padded and taped up, and it was decided that there would be no shower today; leave those suckers alone so the surgeon (or his nurse or assistant) can deal with it tomorrow.

Along with this, the last two days have been marathon peeing. I should have expected this, especially after seeing how huge my belly was over the last couple days, but I didn't. I just whined about it. Part of me worried my DDAVP was no loner working, and when I hit visit 22 to the bathroom, I was sure of it. I had two days of having to get up and pee every 15-20 minutes, and that honestly sucks.

It also means that today, I am very, very tired. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but was not given the chance. Spouse Thingy made a list and went without me. 

He also suggested I drink the Gatorade the doc sent home with me, and he'd pick up more while out.

So today is a quiet day. I might take a nap, but am really hoping that by 3-4 this afternoon I'll perk up and can make him take me out for an ice cream cone.

Still, everything is going really well. Not much pain at all, just some itching under the tape. Drains come out tomorrow, which will help (and I won't have to be so protective of Ducky tying to play with the tubes.) I still feel bad for him...he wants to come in the room at night and cuddle so badly. I got up in the middle of the night to pee yet again, and he was curled up on a hamper just outside the door. And then cried when I wouldn't let him in.

It should be noted that CJ and Ozzy don't give a krap lol. 

20 October 2025

 Just wanted to get it on record: I survived, I am fine, and all is well. I didn't feel as nervous as I expected, and after...well, I am not as laid up as I presumed I'd be. I have limitations, like no lifting more than 5 pounds, no driving, no bikes, but I also have very, very little pain. The drain sites feel like a bruise and my upper chest is a weird mix of itchy and numb, but nothing I'd quantify as pain.

Day after, I ventured outside to walk around the court a couple times. I felt like I could do more, but was informed I was not, in fact, doing that, and was going back inside to rest.

If I wanted to walk more, there was always up and down the hallway.

Fine.

Day two, Spouse Thingy drove me the quarter mile to a little park around the corner, where we lapped it three times. I think that comes out to a bit over half a mile, which was enough.

Yesterday we wandered the neighborhood, looking for shade, and why the FORK is it hot and sunny during the back half of October? Inside there were video games and TV, so we cut it at half a mile again and went home where the cold drinks live.

Today...Costco. We didn't really need anything but the food court has some killer ice cream, so we walked around there with the idea that I'd get it on the way out.

You know what Costco is on a Monday around noon?

BUSY, that's what.

I did not get my ice cream there, but he did take me to Wendy's for a Frosty, which was just about as good.

You know it's an uneventful recovery when all I really did was walk a bit every day. I honestly thought I would have a couple of weeks where I did nothing but whine, scarf down all the Norco they gave me, and eat junk food. But I feel like I could do a hell of a lot more, advisable or not. 

Today was shower day (thank god) and I got to see my chest. It's not too bad. Kinda concave on the left side, which will either resolve or not, I don't care. The incision looks good and once I can start scar care, I can hopefully get it to nearly invisible (but again, if not, oh well. Aesthetics were not the goal here.) I'm just happy that as far as major surgery goes, this has basically been a cakewalk.

(That saying makes no sense to me, as I have lost every cakewalk I've participated in.) 

The hard part?

This guy.

Ducky loves to cuddle at night, usually by kneading his paws into my throat while he lays by my head (on my right side, he insists.) But he also likes to stand on my chest and wiggle around while he finds the right spot, which just seems like a bad idea.

I did give him a chance on day 2, hoping he would be all right with me being only on my back, while not being allowed on the chest. He was all right for about 3 minutes, when he sat up and stared at me, and placed on paw right where he shouldn't.

I felt like a monster putting him out of the room and closing the door.

And we won't tell anyone I picked his 10 pound little self up to do this.

I'm not sure how much longer he'll be barred from sleeping with me. Day after tomorrow I get the drains pulled, and I'm not sure what's next. I think there will still be another week of sleeping on my back, but I'm not sure about letting him in. Even when I sleep on my side, I sometimes roll onto my back and he'll notice if I do.

So if you feel bad for anyone in all this, feel bad for Ducky.

Drains on Wednesday, I think a checkup at one month, and at 6 weeks I can get back on the bike, join a gym, anything I want. Maybe get out of Spouse Thingy's hair, because by then he will surely deserve it.

11 October 2025

 Oddz N Endz N Questions #864,245,111

Hey, what happened to the little Thumper picture in the sidebar with the blog title? I really liked it and miss it.

Disney happened, that's what. They don't like it when people use their IP. And they are very persistent in getting people to remove those images...even ones that were buried deep in old, old posts. I just never have figured out something to replace it with. 

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Can we ask you questions about your surgery? I don't want to pry and I know it's private, but I admit to curiosity and have never known someone to go through a mastectomy before. I didn't know it was an option for pain, and I have a lot of pain, so yeah, I have questions.

You can ask me anything; anyone can. I'll ignore questions that cross the line (like how will this affect sex? Will you do things differently? My guys, you don't need to know what we do) but I am open to sharing information. There's a lot of info out there regarding reductions (and if you're thinking of one, /r/Reduction on Reddit is a fantastic place to research and ask questions. It's where I started, when I was considering "just" a reduction. Be aware, you will see lots of boobs on there. And one day, even mine, I think.

Why? Because sharing info, even what it looks like post surgery, is how others learn and make informed opinions about the whole thing. I benefited from other people sharing, so I'll share in return.

Common questions so far:

Are you going flat or getting reconstruction?

Flat. The whole point is to remove pain, and movement = pain. I don't need boobs anymore; I certainly don't feel like I'll be less of a woman for it, but I do feel like I'll benefit immensely from being flat. And no more bras, ever! 

I hope this is not his tool kit...

Is this like trans top surgery?

Not quite. In top surgery some breast tissue is left behind--men have breasts, after all. All of my breast tissue will be removed, though my scars might resemble top surgery. I'm not sure if I'll have two incisions or one long one. Mike mused that it didn't matter because no one else beside him will see, but who knows? I might get brave and go topless now and then ;)

How did you get insurance to pay? I want something similar but I'm not big enough according to them.

I didn't. Apparently 40+ years of pain is not enough for this to be "medically necessary." It worked out better for me, though, I think. The surgeon I'm going to does not take insurance (private clinic) and requires payment before the surgery happens (financing available lol.) No, this is not alarming; a lot of private practices just don't want the insurance headache anymore and offer reduced pricing because of it.

Yes, it's spendy. No, we still are not rich. But we did have this much available, and it's kind of an investment in my future. If I can live another 20 years, pain free (other than my back) it will be totally worth it.

And funny enough, a simple bilateral mastectomy is cheaper than a reduction. By nearly 5 grand.

Will there be photos? Like before and after?

Are you asking to see my boobs while I still have them? LOL maybe. There actually are some before photos on the surgeons website, but hidden behind a password. If they make it to his main site, I might tell ya. If there are picture taken during the surgery (and I've given permission for that and video) it might wind up on the center's IG. 

How long is the recovery?

Not 100% sure. He did say that by six weeks I could return to normal activities, including working out. I've been told that (in a reduction, at least) days 2 and 3 are the worst, followed by week 2. After that, I'll probably feel fine but I'll still have restrictions...like working out and lifting anything heavier than 5-10 pounds. And that's the sucky part. I'll want to pick Amelia up, but she is a bit more than 5-10 pounds. Mike will lift her to my lap when she's here (or we're there) and I ask him to. There will be a barrier between us (mastectomy pillow) so I'm unsure how it will really work out.

How long with you be in the hospital?

Not at all. This is a surgical center and it's outpatient surgery (for real! Times have changed.) I go in in the morning and will be home by evening. It's an hour drive and we'll probably wind up in going-home traffic, so that part will suck. I'll have to hang around for a couple hours after, but by the end of the day they'll kick my asterisk out and I'll be free.

Bra burning party?

Oh man, I would love to. I'll probably have to settle for just tossing them all out and celebrating with a drink. After I can drink again.

I had planned gall bladder surgery last year and was told no weed before. You once mentioned using it for sleep. Can you still?

My surgeon never said anything about it, but everything I've read says to stop 72 hours beforehand. So I won't sleep much for a couple of nights. Ngl, I am not looking forward to that part. 

What about kitty snuggles???

I hate it, but the bedroom door will be closed initially, and Ducky especially will have to be kept away from my chest. He's a cuddle bug at night so he'll be most affected. Not sure how it'll work out, but we'll figure it out along the way.

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Where is the next Wick book? I miss them!

I have started and started over so many times...but I *am* working on something. It's in my head, from start to finish, but since Mike retired I have found way too many other things to do. 

We're going to space, I can tell you that much.

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My mind is single track these days, just counting off days as if it were Christmas and I were an 8 year old excited for Santa. I imagine by 2026, I'll have other things to talk about. Probably bikes ;) 

 

1 October 2025

:::Yet again, I blow the dust off the blog:::

 

It’s October, so pink ribbons are going to be popping out everywhere, friends are walking a couple of different breast cancer walks to raise money for research, and other friends are currently undergoing treatment for varying stages of the disease.

Normally this it the time of year I dye my hair pink and either engage in some fundraising myself, or I cheer friends on while rocking that pink. I love my pink hair, even if it gets me some odd looks from strangers…I mean, I get it, someone my age with hair that bright, but c’mon. It’s just hair.

I’m not dyeing this year, though.

Now, honestly, I would normally tell the people in my immediate life in person (or text, because I just don’t do calls anymore. Saves us both a lot of WUT?? From me. But I started making a list of all the people who needed to know, and it got so long that I finally mumbled “phk it” to myself and decided to just mass-tell everyone, even total strangers who might stumble across my blog.

Don’t get too excited…it’s not OMG HUGE NEWS. It’s not even omg medium news. It’s just kinda =meh= you should know in case something happens.

Oh man, remember Stumble Upon? When you could hop from one new blog to the next, making sweet discoveries, and if you were lucky, a friend or two? That was awesome. And I miss it. But I digress.

Ok, I could find a lot of other things to annoy you with, but I’ll start with some history. Some of you know my history, most of you don’t. But this particular slice of history begins over 40 years ago, when the Boy was a baby—or maybe a toddler, hard to pin down now—and it has not let up until now.

Pain.

Lots of pain.

No, not the pain I get from having a bad back. Not even the pain from Fibro or arthritis. It has nothing to do with brain tumors and the mess that left me with.

Nope. It’s about boobs.

Mine hurt.

Mine have hurt for over 40 years, and despite a myriad of things a bunch of different doctors have tried, that pain has never really let up. It waxes and wanes, but does not go away.

I’ve had docs that took it seriously and honestly tried to find a cause and treatment, docs who dismissively waved their hands with a common “lose weight,” and one doc that decided all I needed was to stop eating chocolate. I assumed she meant caffeine on general, but at that point I hadn’t had any for about 2 years. Still…stop eating chocolate.

Well now. OK.

The last time I sought help, the doc I saw listened, paid attention to the history of treatments that had been attempted, and sorrowfully told me he was pretty sure it was all hormonal, and would resolve with menopause.

I was in my 30s then…looking down a very long tunnel of misery.

At some point, I stopped bringing it up to doctors, because it felt like there was no point. I waited for menopause, and…nothing. I’m many years into it, and they still hurt. It’s affecting the things I do in daily life, and the things I do for fun. I’ve given up so many activities, and was wrestling with the idea that cycling would be one of them. I’ve been slowing down, a lot, mainly because I cannot generate any power with them moving back and forth.

I tried multiple sports bras to no avail.

I’ve started slouching horribly, and now have upper back and neck pain.

Then it hit me (I’m not sure why) that maybe a reduction would at least help a little. With less material moving around, perhaps there would be less pain.

So I got a consult from our doc, and we drove an hour away to a surgeon who seemed promising.

He listened. He read the long “this is why” paper I brought with me. He examined me, determined I have very dense breast tissue, and said “Based on this, I think you would benefit more from a bilateral mastectomy.”

There was no bullshitting around about hormones, or “yeah maybe a TINY bit off the top.” His take seems to be that without the breast tissue, there’s a better chance that this will work. Not just a reduction, not even a radical reduction, but removal of the whole shebang.

And while I spoke with the surgeon, the Spouse Thingy piped up, “I just want to be able to really hug her again.”

So…October 16^th at a time yet to be determined, I am happily undergoing a simple bilateral mastectomy.

To make it clear: I AM NOT ILL, I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. Just tons of booby pain that will (fingers crossed) go away after I’ve fully recovered from surgery.

Spouse Thingy is prepared to help with the recovery. Michelle is poised to visit every now and then, even if just to sit and watch TV together. I won’t be able to lift my granddaughter for a while, but she can be placed in my lap after the first weeks or so and I can still feed her and cuddle her, and not move an inch if she falls asleep.

At about 6 weeks, I can start working out again. I’ll be able to get back on the bike, join a gym so I can swim again, we can speed-walk if we want (and if my back cooperates…this sadly will not help with the clusterfark that is my lower back.)

Two weeks, 1 day, and I’ll be boobless.

Guys, I am so excited about this I can’t even begin to express it.

 

20 May 2025

 

This little chit...

If there was ever an example of feline ADHD, I'm pretty sure it's him. He starts his day zooming around the house as if his asterisk was on fire, he naps, goes at it again, naps, and then ends the day zooming like a little freak.

You know, we adopted him thinking he would be a playmate to CJ, who wanted to play with Ozzy who was less than thrilled by that. But CJ is actually afraid of Ducky and wants nothing to do with him. So when Ducky tries to engage--multiple times a day--CJ runs.

Ducky thinks he's playing; CJ just wants him to stop.

Granted, CJ could end it by turning on him and paw-slapping him into submission, teaching him who the Big Kitty is, but CJ doesn't have a mean bone in his body so he simply won't.

I have high hopes that the day will come when Ducky realizes he's 1) not truly feral and 2) a cat, and the extreme zoomies will wane, but I'm also not holding my breath. 

Working in his favor: he's adorable, he squeaks, and he loves us like crazy. He answers to his name and if he understands, he does what's asked of him (unless he's having a moment...like chasing after CJ.) He's a champion dishwasher-loading snoopervisor, and make sure that if an ice cube drops from the freezer that it's knocked about until it melts, washing a small section of the floor.

He also loves to sleep with me...which means that CJ, who used to do that, refuses to get on the bed.) I gotta admit, there's nothing like a soft, warm kitty cuddling close at 4 a.m. 

Unless they drool.

Ducky is a prodigious drooler; worse, he can hold it in his mouth. So he does, and every night he jumps on the bed, gets some skritches on his little head, rubs his cheek on mine...and then lets it all fly. 

Right into my mouth.

I started covering my mouth with a few fingers, but he still tries. When that fails, he dribbles it out, and then rubs his cheek all over mine.

It's like having someone run a cold, wet string mop across your face, occasionally stopping to shove their nose up yours.

And yes, he has shoved it up there and then blown snot out his nose into mine.

You think you'll never pick your nose? Trust me, when a cat huffs a wad of kitty snot into your nostril, you will. Anything to get that out.

And like all cats, he loves to knead his little paws often as hard as he can. 

On my throat.

While he drools all over my chin and chest.

 No, I have not locked him out of the room at night. He is learning to be less obsessive about my mouth and nose, and most of the time now he only tries for a bit before settling into crushing my windpipe. When he's done with that, he curls up by my head and goes to sleep for a few hours. Sometimes he starts all over again at 4 am, but lately he waits until the sun is coming up and I've actually slept for 6 hours.

Ducky is a handful, no doubt. And like CJ and Ozzy, he's a thief. They steal socks, he steals paper cups out of the bathroom.  

He's learning to play fetch, which is adorable...maybe not at 3 in the morning when he most wants to, but it's still freaking cute to hear him squeaking when he brings his springy toy to me.

It's not quite as cute when he whaps my face for coughing, but I get it. I'm annoyed, too, and am ready to feel human again (am much, much better, just really tired with a tiny bit of a cough now.)

But, yeah...here's to hoping he chills tf out, because we're all getting tired just watching him. 

And if I were ever tempted to start another cat blog, he would probably have to be the main subject. Ducky Did It, as told by CJ and Ozzy. I'm pretty sure they have a lot to say about him.

14 May 2025

WHERE BE THE ANNUAL BIRTHDAY BEER PIC FROM THE SPOUSE THINGY? DID YOU NOT BUY HIM ONE? - IT MAKES ME LAUGH - PLZ 2 RESPOND - HARTZ AND CHIT - S.DUNN.IT.AGAIN*

Last year's birthday beer

There is no birthday beer photo for the Spouse Thingy, because we have not yet been able to have his birthday dinner. He woke up on the 27th with a horrible cough and congestion, was exhausted, and sneezing like a freak, so we decided to put it off "for a few days."

A few days (we thought maybe 3 or 4) turned into over a week, and by then I'd caught it. So here we are over 2 weeks later and I am just now starting to feel ok, though I've got a gross sounding cough still but I doubt I'm communicable anymore.

That also means we have not seen the kids in over 3 weeks. That might be the worst part.

The good thing, though, is that I was summoned for jury duty for today and tomorrow, but was placed on call for today, and as of 5:30 I'm dismissed for tomorrow. I was not looking forward to coughing my way through the whole process and then being told Hey! We've got your asterisk for 3 weeks and you're gonna be held hostage in a hotel at night after having been shown gross murder pix all day long.

The worst part for me? I have not been able to ride my spiffy new bike and am now waaaaay behind a 300 mile charity ride for May. I'll get all 300 done, but I'm going to have to do some in June. 

Usually when I'm sick I drop a few pounds. This time? After he started feeling better, the Spouse Thingy started taking care of meals...and desserts. He made a cake (after I'd made his birthday cake; he did get that much) and then some brownies. So I am now 1.1 pounds heavier but, eh, I'll take that off when I feel better.

Maybe.

I like cake. Maybe I'll make another.

 

*Sharon Dunnigan, who thinks she's oh so clever. I mean, yeah, she's funny as hell sometimes, but let's not encourage her ;)

 

29 April 2025

 My quarterly Oh-I-am-going-to-blog-more post

My intentions are good. I typically have a dozen things spinning in my head that I intend to write about, but they're all kinda stuck in my head. I'm getting really good at telling myself that no one wants to read that; between imposter syndrome and executive dysfunction, I'm not getting a whole lot done. But that doesn't mean things haven't been awesome around here.

I mean, how awesome is she?

This is Amelia Belle, born mid-February, and she is amazing.

Look at that smile!

She took her own sweet time getting here, refusing to be born for three days while Mom and Dad waited in the hospital. All of the grandparents came and went, waiting sometimes, leaving to give them privacy in others, until the day we were sure she was going to be evicted from her nice, warm residence.

It's incredible how much she's grown every time we see her; she started at at the exact same weight as her daddy, long like both her parents, and she's already grown a couple inches and gained a few pounds.

She is the absolute light in all our lives, but man...her parents are like they won the lottery. And I'm not sure I've ever seen my son light up the way he does when he's holding her, speaking to her softly.

This is going to be one spoiled little girl...though long before she was born the Boy informed us that when he had kids there would be limits. We'll see if those get enforced.

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And this little chit...

Ozzy and CJ still do not like him. I had really hoped that CJ at least would warm up to him and start playing with him, but Ducky is such a little crackhead. His idea of playing is to leap on top of the others, or to pester them endlessly, and he hasn't grasped that teeth and claws are not appreciated.

Ozzy hisses and growls when he's even remotely near, but that doesn't stop him.

CJ is a bit afraid of him, probably because Ducky worships CJ and, when he's not imitating everything CJ does, has chosen him for his best stealthy attacks.

At this point I'm not even hoping for friendship with these 3. I'll settle for peaceful co-existence.

Ducky is 6 months old. So maybe in another 6 months...

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I still have not sold any of the bikes cluttering the garage, but I did go ahead and order the dream bike.

Yep, I wanted to avoid tariffs, which would have put it well out of my reach.

It's also waaaay more bike than I will ever need, and is probably stupid choice for the kind of riding I do, but with this color scheme it's the one I really, really wanted. 

If you're local and kinda want an e-bike, hit me up. I have a few that I need to get rid of.

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This time I mean it. Really. I swear. LOL

1 February 2025

 Oddz-N-Endz #89.30987637645

This is the first time CJ has plopped down on my computer. Ozzy has walked across it several times and tried to curl up on it before, but CJ will crawl into my lap and not on the computer.

He is most definitely Good Boy CJ.

His Good Boy patience has been sorely tested lately, though, and he's been kinda sad.

Apparently that hyperactive little furball was not expected to stick around, and when it was clear we weren't going to slap stamps on his head and send him to the next person, CJ developed a nice case of the blahs.

Did he get in trouble?

Hell no. 

I resigned myself to not working for a while and crossed my fingers in the hope that he didn't delete my manuscript altogether (he did not), and gave him head rubs while he fell asleep. His life has been hard enough without being told no when all he wants is a little attention and a place where Ducky probably won't find him.

The sucky part is that a large impetus in getting Ducky was to give CJ a playmate, since Ozzy sleeps so much more. I never would have guessed that my brave boy would be afraid of a 3 pound kitten, and would run run him at every opportunity.

Ozzy will slap the krap out of Ducky (who thinks she's playing) but being the Good Boy, CJ doesn't unless he's pushed to. We don't get in the middle of it because no one is using claws and no one is getting hurt, but I feel bad for CJ. 

Progress is being made; he'll go up to Ducky and touch noses, which works if Ducky stays still. But 4 month old kittens do not stay still and all they want is to play with the big kitty, and he wishes CJ would chase him back.

That'll come, eventually. But for now I feel bad for him, and give him all the attention he'll allow...which isn't a whole lot right now. But I'll take what I can get.

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In the 3 weeks he's been here, Ducky has gained almost 1.5 pounds, so he's caught up to where he should be at this age. 

He still has chronic diarrhea, though, and his next vet appointment isn't until the 18th, so I imagine Monday morning Mike will call to see what else we can do.

Thing is, Ducky is super active, he eats well, drinks water as expected, and you'd never know there was anything wrong if not for the horrendously awful smelling runs.  

Little dude has no sense of personal space, either.

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With spring coming, I figured this was a good time to start selling a few bikes (to make room for the eventual dream bike, of course.) So of course the day after I got one ready, the skies opened and it began to rain...and will rain for the rest of the week.

One of these days I'll get them sold.

I'll miss them, but I think I want that dream bike more than I would miss them. And to be honest, one of them I'll mostly miss because it's purple.

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And my WTF moment of the weekend: an online acquaintance had words to say because I failed to donate to their fundraiser, and pointed out that I am ALWAYS fundraising for something, so I should turn around and donate to others.

Well...I do. But I have to KNOW about it before I can donate anything, and that was the first I'd heard about it. And I could have still donated, if not for being told "you guys are rich, so I expect something good."

First of all...no, we are not. My bank account is unimpressive.

Pile onto that the Spouse Thingy retired in December, so going forward our income is slashed in half. I'll still donate to my friends' fundraising efforts when I know about them (unless you're raising for political reasons, and then I'll nope out of it, especially if the funds go to one particular megalomaniac.) But I might not be able to give as much as I have in the past. 

Hell, we have a grandbaby on the way, due any day, and we're going to want to spoil her most of all.

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 I want ice cream.

21 January 2025

 These two are not happy, and have not been since the 9th. Why?

Because of this guy:

His name is Ducky, and they do not like him.

Not yet. But they will. Or at least CJ will; Ozzy may never come around, but I'll settle for her not hissing at him every time he's within 5 feet. CJ is not thrilled, but he'll get nose-to-nose with Ducky and not growl, and he'll hang out in the same room just to watch the little guy play. Granted, there have been a few times that CJ has been up a bit higher and reached down to swipe at him, but never with claws and never in a way that made me worry.

This is good, because 75% of the reason that we decided to adopt a kitten was to give CJ someone to play with. Ozzy sleeps a lot more than he does, and when she's awake she's not often interested in chasing around the house the way he wants to.

(And yes, we realize that Ducky might turn out to be just like Ozzy, but it was a chance worth taking.)

Ducky seems to have had a fairly rough start in life. According to the paperwork, when the shelter did intake on him early November, he was one month old but only .52 pounds. He's had digestive issues since then (but they ran a lot of test, all negative...and we had our vet repeat most of them) and is gassy af, but extremely active, eats like a horse and drinks well, and is an affectionate and happy little guy. 

When I picked him up post-neutering on the 9th, he weighed in at a whopping 2.98 pounds and was 14 weeks old.

Like we did with Ozzy and CJ, he hung out in the spare room for the first couple of days. Mostly to decompress, partly to give all the cats time to sniff each other and get used to new smells. The door remained open, despite common sense.

Yes, we know it's usually "better" to keep everyone separated for a week, but my gut said that would not work with Ozzy and CJ. And hell, we did it for Max and Buddah and we all know how that turned out.

After a few visits to the litter box, we were aware that his tummy problems were not solved; the poor guy was shooting out super soft toothpaste from his back end, and it was odoriferous enough to not only concern us, but drive us from the room.

Spouse Thingy called the vet two days later; he took them a stool sample and yesterday he had his first stabby person appointment.

The sample was fine; it repeated several tests the shelter ran, and there were no signs of worms or parasites, nor giardia. So now he's on a prebiotic mixed with something else to help calm his gut down (vet thinks he just as poor gut flora) so fingers crossed it helps.

The big thing, though, was his weight. Yesterday marked day 11 with us, and he'd gone from 2.98 to 3.72 pounds.

Today I realized that while he kinda stinks still, he's not as flatulent and the odor doesn't linger as long when he bombs the litter box. 

He also has run of the house during the day (except for bedrooms...that's mostly to give Ozzy a quiet place when she needs one, and to keep from overwhelming him) and he's allowed out of the catio if he wants. 

Oh, and before someone mentions it...no, we did not intentionally get cats that look like Max and Buddah. It just kinda worked out that way. I was actually hoping to find an orange kitten, but Ducky was there, this little black bundle of trembling kitten, and I had the thought that he would be overlooked in the shelter if we didn't adopt him.

So of course, when I went to pick him up the next day, there was an orange kitten.

I was not the least bit upset by that.

Ducky was meant to be ours.

4 January 2025

 :::blows dust off the blog again:::

I swear, I never intend to not write something, but I sit down and nothing comes out. My brain has been pulling me in 42 different directions lately--for no good reason. And it's not just the blog; I'm only halfway through a book I began writing a year ago, which is super slow for me. Still, I'm having a blast with it, I know where the story is going, and I'll get it done sooner or later.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get into a shape that is less...round. And to accomplish this, I ordered a new-to-me kind of indoor cycling, and have joined Zwift in the hopes that the increased difficulty level (I live in a flat city; this sucker has hills) will help a bit more.

This is the Zwift Ride mounted on a Wahoo Kickr Core, with an iPad (already had that) to access the Zwift app. I could have mounted a bike to the trainer and played that way, but I really didn't want to have to take off the back tire, get the frame set on the trainer, then do everything in reverse when I want to take the bike outside.

Yes, I am that lazy.

This thing is kicking my ass. Like I said, I live where it's flat and I don't have to struggle too much when I ride. But the first day I had this, just a couple minutes into it, I hit a baby hill and holy fark I could barely pedal. I used all my weight on the pedals and my little avatar would not budge. I tried so hard I nearly barfed all over everything, and after 20 minutes or so cried Uncle.

That was 3 weeks ago. Now I can make my avatar move, and sometimes even getting up to 20-22 mph, but the hills are my bane. And I'm using the easy routes. Yesterday I zoomed up a hill at a grand 3 mph (you read that right...THREE. Just three) but I made the pedals go round and round and eventually got to the top of this very-much-a-baby-hill.

We won't discuss the riders who blew past me doing 25 mph. On a hill. 

It's just difficult enough that I added a decal to the frame:

I think I've invented a few new swear words while riding on Zwift.

One day I will conquer the Alpe du Zwift (think BIG HONKIN' MOUNTAIN.) I might die at the top, but at least I'll go out on a major win.

More importantly, one day I'll be in shape. I am determined this time around. A year from now I want to be at my goal weight, be close to having the ability to hit those hills at a speed other than slow, and not be a pre-diabetic with high cholesterol.

4 November 2024

 BLOG BLAST FOR PEACE 2024

2 November 2024

 NoMo'NaNo

Normally this time of year I am bemoaning the fact that I signed up for NaNoWriMo without any clue what I'd write. This year, though? Nah.

I will probably never try NaNo again. Hell, I wasn't even going to bring it up, but I've pulled a few people into in years past, and in the middle of a conversation today I was asked what I'd be working on. Now, I am working on something, but not for that.

There are a couple of reasons. 

One...they announced not too long ago that they fully intended (or perhaps already have been) to use this year's uploaded word-check manuscripts to train their own AI. We all know where that can wind up: wholly AI-written books, pages upon pages of probable trash, for which no living, breathing person will profit. Well, other than the company. And honestly, even if the effort was above board, I am not interested in allowing the words I have spent countless hours upon being used to train a machine to write something using my voice.

But really, that's just a tiny reason.

The biggest reason? 

The NaNoWriMo site has a popular collection of forums, one of which is intended for young writers. It is supposed to be a safe space for kids interested in the craft to gather, somewhere they can ask questions, share ideas, where a few behind-the-scene adults make sure nothing untoward is going on.

The problem is when one of those adults uses the forum for their own grooming wants. I have no idea how long it went on, but one of the moderators was doing just that, grooming young participants for whatever nefarious impulses they had...and the NaNos in charge knew about it and did nothing for a very long time.

That's it. I'm out. I don't care if they've "taken care of it." It happened and they did not act in the kids' best interests.

I canceled my ongoing financial support, a monthly donation, and will not participate in any current or future events.

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 2024's Great Cycle Challenge went pretty well. I was unable to increase my mileage, but mostly that was owed to poor time management on my part. I hit 201 miles, what I pledged plus one, and raised a nice $4350--the most to date. 

This was year 5 for me, and so far overall I've raised $17,594. Or better said, y'all have donated that much. I appreciate more than I can express that my friends indulge my whims. 

Next year I'm shooting for the 300 I used to do. Maybe then I can get my chit together and make the time to get it done.

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Part of what's distracted me is that the Spouse Thingy retires next month, and has been chewing off his unused vacation days. He'd considered cashing those in, but when you're this close to retiring, you just want time off, and trust me, that makes sense in your head when you're there. We haven't gone off and done much, just kind of chilling around the house and getting used to him being here, interrupting my schedule. 

Yeah, we really need to make an actual schedule or I won't get much of my own work done. Only one of us is retiring...I still have things to make up inside my own head and then barf out onto virtual paper.

But...he has one more week off next week, fifteen more shifts after tonight, and is done on Dec 10th.

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I dunno, though, he might nee to keep working to pay for my freaking teeth. I broke one, saw the dentist for a quick fix while waiting for the Real Fix, and the NEXT DAMNED DAY I broke another one. That one has now been spackled over, I've had the prep work done to get a crown on the first tooth, and Monday I get the prep work for the 2nd tooth. So, in a couple weeks we get to pay for two more crowns.

I'm grinding my teeth like a freak. All day, clench, grind, clench grind. If it keeps up, I'm gonna need all my teeth fixed. 

There may be a light at the end of the toothy tunnel, though. I had the same problem in 2016 and 2020, and it abated after the elections, though this is the first time teeth have protested. I have high hopes that after the 5th my jaw will relax and I'll stop again.

Clearly, I should not pay attention to politics.

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I already voted, too.

You can figure out for who on your own, I'm sure.

1 September 2024

 

Lessons learned today:

1. Look out for potholes, lest you hit one at 15mph and get jostled enough that you bruise your crotch. 

2. A granola bar at 10:30 is not enough food for a ride starting at noon, and you will wind up stopping for a sandwich you aren't ready to eat but are grateful for nonetheless.

3. Since the Spouse Thingy was ridding behind me, the zombies totally would have gotten him.

Today is the first day of the Great Cycle Challenge, and plans went awry from the start. I needed to put air in the tires of my super spiffy road bike, but the valve on the front tire is bent funny and would not hold air. So that's going to the shop on Tuesday, because this is the first time I've needed to air up and the valve should be fine. It should be covered under warranty. If not, this shop will do it anyway.

The food thing was a brain fart; I'd expected to be out the door by 11, but Mike wasn't quite ready and I didn't think anything of it. The bike...I wound up taking my single speed, which added to how quickly my reserve depleted. It's a heavier bike and with no gears...that was work. I don't mind that; I really like this bike but man it showed me how much easier the road bike is.

We did 10 miles, a bit less than I'd hoped, but I can finish the rest on the Peloton later. I'll count the miles, but that one will be totally for fun; I'm strapping a cadence sensor onto it and riding with the VR set strapped to my face, and wander around somewhere with VZFit. It's been a long time since I used it, but I remember the feeling when going off the road (kinda hard since you really can't steer, but you feel as if you're falling and it's one of those fun but weird and scary feelings.)

I did not realize how big that shirt is on me, but since I have a chunky tummy, I'm embracing it.

So for now, 10 down, 190 to go. Unless I hit 200 early, in which case, 10 down, 240-290 to go. I really hope it's the latter.

20 August 2024

 

Shiny!

I had the chance last week to snag a pair of these cycling shoes for the cost of shipping. I wasn't worried about a scam--you know, pay the person then never get the merch--because this was courtesy of a writer friend whose spouse is closing out an eBay store. For $30 I bought a $500 pair of shoes that I wanted for no reason other than they are shiny and sparkly.

Thing is...I ride with flat pedals, not clips, which these are meant for. I told her that before I decided to buy them, and she virtually shrugged and said I could ride flats in these if I wanted.

Ride on the tail of that, someone else in the group mentioned a coupon we could all use to get some Wahoo gear, specifically Speedplay pedals, so I figured why not? I can play with them on the Peloton at home first, and if I get the hang if it (which I never did with other clip-in pedals...I mean, I clip in just fine, it's unclipping that I just didn't seem capable of) I can swap them over to my road bike and ride in my shiny new shoes.

Ngl, part of me wants to stick the shoes on a shelf because they are gorgeous. 

The other part of me spent a week watching the Tour de France Femme and I am going to be a clip-in MONSTER soon, zooming up hills and mountains, flying down straightaways. Yes, of course I will, just as soon as this little town gets a mountain and a long straightaway with no traffic. I think if I win the lottery I can make that happen.

So I'm sitting here waiting for the FedEx dude to get here with my new pedals. He usually gets here around noon, which means he will get here at 8pm this time.

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A while back on FB I joked that because I am doing the Great Cycle Challenge again this year, surely I need a new bike for that. And at the time I really was joking. There was a bike I had my eye on, thinking I could get it next year, since this year's stock was depleted. It's the bike, the one I absolutely don't need but coveted the hell out of, and if I were any other person I could declare it the Last Bike Ever, but we all know better.

Trek Domane+ SLR 6. It's electric, yes, but rides beautifully without running the motor. I start out on my own power, get as many miles as I want (or as many as I can) and then turn it on for some zippy fun. If I hit my miles and am just wiped out or am in pain, having that pedal assist boost makes all the difference for me. 

No, it's not cheating. Even when using the power, I ride longer than I normally would, farther, and get my HR up just as much. I'm pushing into the 140s now, where I used to struggle to get it over 130ish. I can make that extra effort now because of a lot of time spent on =surprise= an ebike.

If I do ever get another, though, it will be a non-ebike, and I'll get it because I've finally gotten into some semblance of in shape and won't need the motor.

(okay, to be fair, I don't need it now. But I'm a lot more confident having it there just in case.)

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Yes, my brain is hyper-focused on bikes again. I do that. I get in a groove and obsess over something, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes for years.

I mean, I have other obsessions going at the same time, but this is a long term one, I think.

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It could be worse for you, worse than reading my bike obsession. You could be the Spouse Thingy, who patiently sat here during parts of the Tour de France Femmes and listened to me info-dump. And I don't really know much about racing, but damned if I didn't blurt out what I did know. 

I know enough to understand that was one hell of a race.

Also, I learned that there are hyper-pink shoes out there that I want (though they might be custom. I suspect they are custom.) Also also, there is rainbow bar tape that I NEED. Also also also, I envy those women who can wear skin suits and look good in them, and if I EVER get that thin, you know I'll rock one while zooming around Dixon on a Saturday morning. I might be 80 by then, but I'll damn well do it.

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Still waiting on Fed-Ex...

9 July 2024

 

A couple of weeks ago, after someone punched me in the face with a fistful of sleep, I wandered to the back of the house to crawl into bed. For once, I had no kitty help, so I was able to close the bedroom door. And while I was snoozing, the Spouse Thingy decided to run a couple of errands.

I wasn't quite asleep when he left. Within a minute, CJ began wandering up and down the hall, crying. It was pretty clear he thought he was alone and didn't want to be, but I was so close to being zonked I couldn't make myself get up to let him in the room.

He quieted quickly, though, and I fell asleep, hard.

Cut to today. Spouse Thingy was off work, and again, there were errands to be run. CJ watched as we got ready, and when he saw the wallet and keys go into my pocket, the crying began.

He followed us around, plastering us in guilt made of tiny, baby-like mews. He even jumped onto the table to head butt the Spouse Thingy, all the time begging us to stay. And I was tempted, I really was. I was not the only one. He was so sad, and it was our fault.

But...we had places to go. Yes, those errands could have been put off, but that only would have made the next time worse. That doesn't mean my heart wasn't kinda hurting as we closed and locked the door.

Once in the car, I remember a check that needed to be taken to the bank. Going back in for it would have hurt him even more, so we left without it, reasoning there's always tomorrow. Chances are high that I will need a nap, and CJ will sleep on top of me, so he won't be alone.

Now I worry he cries like this every time he realizes he's home alone (with Ozzy...she doesn't care. Us leaving just means more nap time as far as she's concerned.) 

There's no real point to this.

We made Good Boy CJ cry today, and I felt really, really bad about it. And now you can feel bad, too.

6 July 2024

 Oddz n Endz #867,391,911.902384b

♫♪♪ I feel useful, oh so useful...♫♪♪

I intended to get up at a normal-person hour so I could go to the store before the worst of the heat hit. So of course, I didn't wake up until almost 9:30 (this is actually good) and it took me a couple hours to feel like I'm a real live human, so by the time I left the house it was already 95F.

I did not beat the heat, but I did beat the worst of it, which should hit 108F (it is now 106 in my backyard, and it's not quite 2:30pm.) 

A little grumpy because OH MY BAST I SWEATED A LITTLE! I headed for the cat food first, because Ozzy and CJ love Meow Mix as a treat and we were out of it. They let me know last night that this made them all kinds of sad, including a mournful whine of of CJ, who is a Very Good Boy and knows he deserved him bedtime treat.

Anyway, I got there, turned my cart into the aisle, and saw a woman with a mop trying to coax something off the top shelf. So yes, of course I offered to help. She was about 5-feet nothing and I'm 5'8 with a decent reach. I grabbed the litter she wanted, placed it in her cart, and was going to go on my merry way when she said, "Everything important here is too high up. Don't they think of people my size when they do this?"

Nope, they do not.

So...we shopped together for the most part. She didn't need a whole lot, but truly 90% of what she needed was up higher than she can reach. 

I've reached the high things for others before but this is the first time I've been a personal shopper.

Not gonna lie, it made me feel good. I patted myself on the back when I got home, and decided that was a good excuse to have a couple cookies.

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A few weeks ago, I ordered a catio kit from Wayfair, and the Spouse Thingy assembled it and attached it to the house. For a day or two, Ozzy and CJ didn't quite know what to make of it, and it took a bit for both of them to risk exploring the high places. Now it's their all-time favorite thing. When Spouse Thingy gets home in the morning he lets them out for an hour, and in the evening they can spend several hours out there.

We had a stretch of not-so-hot weather, and they were able to go in and out as they pleased all day long. So this stretch of unreasonably hot is not going over well. CJ lays on the back of the love seat, his paws pressed to the glass, and he whines every now and then. He wants out, he's been good, so why am I not opening the window? 

Yesterday I explained the 113 out there, but he didn't care. I am now a Lame Human,

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Those pretty flowers are all dead now. Between the heat, the neighbor's dog peeing on all of them, and my giant black thumb, they never really stood a chance.

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The meds I stopped taking? Yeah, that lasted about 10 days. I did not mind the withdrawal effects--most of them were kind of interesting, including the brain zaps. Best one was late at night, in the dark, watching as a thin electric-looking line zapped from one side of my head to the other, right in my line of sight. There was quite a bit of whooshing in my ears, it felt like my brain was floating, and my tinnitus jacked up, but it was nothing too awful.

No, what got me was right around day 10, all the pain came screaming back at me. It was an eye-opener, realizing how much it was helping. So I started taking it again, and will live with the near-daily naps.

CJ loves those naps. He knows when I usually crash and burn, herds me to bed, and then climbs on top to hold me down. He's figured out when I'm on my right side with a body pillow up close, there's like this sweet spot where the sheet forms a hammock. My leg makes for a nice pillow. He drops off into sleep quickly, and whether I sleep or not doesn't matter. He's happy, I'm resting, and it's comforting to have him there.

Granted, I usually sleep for about 45 minutes, but we all know his happiness is more important.

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My new favorite picture. Y'all know my MIL was trying to steal my car, right? LOL

16 June 2024

 

CJ spends a good part of the night sleeping with me, usually draped across my hips and thighs, which tends to make my legs go numb. But, hey, he's a Good Boy and he picked me as  His Person, so I let him stay.

The night before last he stretched out near my side, using my body pillow for support. He was comfortable, I was comfortable, and we both fell asleep. I was also happy as hell because there's nothing like a warm kitty who wants nothing more than to be with you sleeping cuddled up close.

I'm not sure how long it was--an hour, maybe three--but I woke to the sound of a tiny, weird sounding meow. That was nothing new; both cats have soft meows unless they really want something, or are scared. I thought he might be having a bad dream, so I reached out to pet him.

Normally when I do, he lifts his head to look at me, even for just a second. But that night, he didn't move. I whispered his name, then said it louder, still petting him. No response.

Carefully, with a whole lot of trepidation, I set my hand on his side. I couldn't feel any movement. No soft rise and fall as he breathed, no tiny muscle twitches from the weight of my hand on him. 

I moved my hand to his chest. Not a thing. No breathing, and I couldn't feel a heartbeat. I pressed harder, still nothing.

So I stuck my finger under his nose, hoping to feel tiny puffs of warm air.

Nope.

So I did what any hopeful person would do. I started shaking him, speaking loudly, calling his name, begging him to wake up, despite the dread that he would not.

I shook harder.

Nada.

Finally, I reached for my glasses and half sat up, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I told him, "You're only a year old, CJ, come on."

My watch lit up, bathing his still body in dim light.

He lifted his head, looked at me like, HEY I AM SLEEPING HERE!, and then laid back down, dropping right back into the sleep I worked so hard to rouse him from.

"You," I said into the dark, "are a little shit."

meow.

16 March 2024

 

20 January 2020, the day I got this bike. About 8,000 miles and 12 pounds ago. Someone please come take those 12 pounds, please.

I skipped the meds last night, and for the first time in who knows when, the sleep fairy hasn't punched me in the face yet today. Am I tired? Yes. Could I fall asleep if I crawled back in bed? Also yes. But I don't feel like I will die if I don't take a nap.

Today was also not rainy (as it has been a whole lot lately) and not windy (last two days were awful) and wonderfully sunny, so after puttering around for a bit, I pulled on some bike shorts and headed out for a 100 mile ride.

I wish.

No, I intended to ride for an hour, which would have gotten me 15 miles a year ago. Today was slow, with a couple of breaks to assess how I really felt, and I ended it a little after 45 minutes and 10 miles. I know, your grandmother can ride faster than that and she dead...but I was happy enough with it.

I first stopped at the little park around the corner, somewhere around mile 5. I planned for just 2 minutes, enough to get a drink and check my HR, but then Rando Rider (who I see around all the time) pulled up and sat on the bench next to me. It's fine, it's not the first time, but he's Rando in my head because I don't know his name. His intent was to do the same thing I was, just a breather after his likely 18mph leisurely roll around town. He sat, grabbed his bottle, and then said, "Have you noticed how many people are out on bikes today? Other than me and you, they're all on those ebikes."

Now, I have several ebikes. I had no idea how he felt about them, but a lot of dedicated cyclists are still wallowing in the "that's cheating" pool.

And I had noticed. "Good for them," I said. "It's a nice day. Anything that gets them out on two wheels."

"Ayup." He slid his bottle back into the cage and got up. "I'm getting my fourteen year old one of those little folding ones. Get him pedaling before he's old enough to want a car."

And off he went. I admit, I was surprised. I expected him to grate against the ebike surge. But he took off too fast for me to tell him I have a small folding ebike in my garage I'd sell him for cheap.

Another minute, and off I went, too. I had a running commentary in my head, mostly noting all the work people had done in the yards, swapping grass for rock and plants, wondering how much that cost because damn they looked good. There's also a high chance that the commentary wasn't all him my head and I talked out loud to myself, but hey. Who cares.

Just before my final loop of the neighborhood I approached a 2 way stop sign, and coming up to it on the sidewalk was a little boy and his dad on their bikes. I could see easily that no one was coming, and normally I'd slow but not stop, but I did this time because...little kids. "See?" Dad said. "People DO stop on bikes at the sign."

Glad my gut was right and I didn't blow through it.

(No, I don't blow through stop signs. I slow, I balance, I wait. But I rarely need to put a foot down unless there's traffic.)

Next up: pulling all the bikes out of the garage to clean up, lube the chains, charge any batteries...and then put most of them up for sale. I don't need that many, I can't ride that many, and I realllllly want to make space for the One True Bike. 

Cross your fingers weaning off the meds is the answer...I have the Great Cycle Challenge in September and would really like to not cry my way through it.