Imagine, if you will, slugging back a Big Gulp filled to the brim—no ice because that would take up valuable space for more liquid—and then have kidneys that don’t know that they need to hold onto some of the water (soda, tea, whatever) you’ve just consumed.
It literally goes right through you.
Now, imagine, if you will, having sucked in a Big Gulp and still you’re thirsty. Not just a little, but incredibly, violently thirsty. So thirsty it hurts. You can drink until you throw up, but you’re still thirsty.
And you’re peeing like a madman. Truthfully, even if you weren’t drinking, you’d be peeing because those kidneys just don’t know to hold onto anything. But then you’d screw up your blood chemistry, and you might up and croak. So drinking is the wiser course of action.
That was my problem the other night, on the way back from the prison. It wasn’t just that I was trapped in my car with a full bladder; I was trapped in my car with a full bladder and with every second my kidneys were allowing more to dribble in, and at an impressive rate. They don’t know when to hold water because my brain no longer makes Vasopressin, the hormone that regulates water retention and release. Diabetes Insipidus (not to be confused with diabetes mellitus, or “sugar diabetes.” This would be more aptly called “water diabetes.”)
There’s medication for that; the previously mentioned DDAVP (Desmopressin) that ran out on me early in the evening. That happens once in a while; if it’s after 6 p.m. I generally let it go—I drink and pee and drink and pee all evening—and just medicate myself before I go to bed.
It’s not a big deal, really. As long as I pay attention to how much goes in and how much goes out, and when I need more DDAVP, it’s all good. It’s not so good for little kids, who often go through torturous months—sometimes years—without a diagnosis. People figure their kid pees a lot, so they withhold liquids, but the kid is so thirsty he’s going nuts…toddlers have been caught drinking out of toilets, their thirst is so bad.
But, I digress…
For me it’s not generally a big deal, not unless I’m in dire need of Facilities. Or something to drink. The Spouse Thingy is resigned to the idea that there will be times when we might be just 2 miles from home but I need something to drink RIGHT NOW, so he stops and becomes My Hero just by spending a buck on a diet soda. A big diet soda. That I drain by the time we cover that 2 miles home. And then, smart man that he is, he gets out of my way as I run towards the apartment like my ass is on fire.
If you’re going to have something that starts with “diabetes,” in my not so humble opinion, this is the one to have. No insulin, no checking blood sugars a million times a day. Yes, things can get ugly if you’re incapacitated and no one knows why pee is streaming from you like a fountain and then you get terminally dehydrated, your blood gets thick and won’t move, and then you die, but for the most part, it’s just One Of Those Things. It’s easy to deal with…
…unless you’re in the car and your bladder is screaming and you think you’re going to pee yourself right there in the driver’s seat where you will then FRY because the seat is all electronic and your luck means there will be some sort of short that will go zzzzzzzap when your bodily fluids hit it, well, then it sucks.
No, don’t ask me to go test that part of it.
I like my car.
Yeah, it already smells like cat pee, but still…
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