9 July 2024

 

A couple of weeks ago, after someone punched me in the face with a fistful of sleep, I wandered to the back of the house to crawl into bed. For once, I had no kitty help, so I was able to close the bedroom door. And while I was snoozing, the Spouse Thingy decided to run a couple of errands.

I wasn't quite asleep when he left. Within a minute, CJ began wandering up and down the hall, crying. It was pretty clear he thought he was alone and didn't want to be, but I was so close to being zonked I couldn't make myself get up to let him in the room.

He quieted quickly, though, and I fell asleep, hard.

Cut to today. Spouse Thingy was off work, and again, there were errands to be run. CJ watched as we got ready, and when he saw the wallet and keys go into my pocket, the crying began.

He followed us around, plastering us in guilt made of tiny, baby-like mews. He even jumped onto the table to head butt the Spouse Thingy, all the time begging us to stay. And I was tempted, I really was. I was not the only one. He was so sad, and it was our fault.

But...we had places to go. Yes, those errands could have been put off, but that only would have made the next time worse. That doesn't mean my heart wasn't kinda hurting as we closed and locked the door.

Once in the car, I remember a check that needed to be taken to the bank. Going back in for it would have hurt him even more, so we left without it, reasoning there's always tomorrow. Chances are high that I will need a nap, and CJ will sleep on top of me, so he won't be alone.

Now I worry he cries like this every time he realizes he's home alone (with Ozzy...she doesn't care. Us leaving just means more nap time as far as she's concerned.) 

There's no real point to this.

We made Good Boy CJ cry today, and I felt really, really bad about it. And now you can feel bad, too.

6 July 2024

 Oddz n Endz #867,391,911.902384b

♫♪♪ I feel useful, oh so useful...♫♪♪

I intended to get up at a normal-person hour so I could go to the store before the worst of the heat hit. So of course, I didn't wake up until almost 9:30 (this is actually good) and it took me a couple hours to feel like I'm a real live human, so by the time I left the house it was already 95F.

I did not beat the heat, but I did beat the worst of it, which should hit 108F (it is now 106 in my backyard, and it's not quite 2:30pm.) 

A little grumpy because OH MY BAST I SWEATED A LITTLE! I headed for the cat food first, because Ozzy and CJ love Meow Mix as a treat and we were out of it. They let me know last night that this made them all kinds of sad, including a mournful whine of of CJ, who is a Very Good Boy and knows he deserved him bedtime treat.

Anyway, I got there, turned my cart into the aisle, and saw a woman with a mop trying to coax something off the top shelf. So yes, of course I offered to help. She was about 5-feet nothing and I'm 5'8 with a decent reach. I grabbed the litter she wanted, placed it in her cart, and was going to go on my merry way when she said, "Everything important here is too high up. Don't they think of people my size when they do this?"

Nope, they do not.

So...we shopped together for the most part. She didn't need a whole lot, but truly 90% of what she needed was up higher than she can reach. 

I've reached the high things for others before but this is the first time I've been a personal shopper.

Not gonna lie, it made me feel good. I patted myself on the back when I got home, and decided that was a good excuse to have a couple cookies.

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A few weeks ago, I ordered a catio kit from Wayfair, and the Spouse Thingy assembled it and attached it to the house. For a day or two, Ozzy and CJ didn't quite know what to make of it, and it took a bit for both of them to risk exploring the high places. Now it's their all-time favorite thing. When Spouse Thingy gets home in the morning he lets them out for an hour, and in the evening they can spend several hours out there.

We had a stretch of not-so-hot weather, and they were able to go in and out as they pleased all day long. So this stretch of unreasonably hot is not going over well. CJ lays on the back of the love seat, his paws pressed to the glass, and he whines every now and then. He wants out, he's been good, so why am I not opening the window? 

Yesterday I explained the 113 out there, but he didn't care. I am now a Lame Human,

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Those pretty flowers are all dead now. Between the heat, the neighbor's dog peeing on all of them, and my giant black thumb, they never really stood a chance.

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The meds I stopped taking? Yeah, that lasted about 10 days. I did not mind the withdrawal effects--most of them were kind of interesting, including the brain zaps. Best one was late at night, in the dark, watching as a thin electric-looking line zapped from one side of my head to the other, right in my line of sight. There was quite a bit of whooshing in my ears, it felt like my brain was floating, and my tinnitus jacked up, but it was nothing too awful.

No, what got me was right around day 10, all the pain came screaming back at me. It was an eye-opener, realizing how much it was helping. So I started taking it again, and will live with the near-daily naps.

CJ loves those naps. He knows when I usually crash and burn, herds me to bed, and then climbs on top to hold me down. He's figured out when I'm on my right side with a body pillow up close, there's like this sweet spot where the sheet forms a hammock. My leg makes for a nice pillow. He drops off into sleep quickly, and whether I sleep or not doesn't matter. He's happy, I'm resting, and it's comforting to have him there.

Granted, I usually sleep for about 45 minutes, but we all know his happiness is more important.

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My new favorite picture. Y'all know my MIL was trying to steal my car, right? LOL

16 June 2024

 

CJ spends a good part of the night sleeping with me, usually draped across my hips and thighs, which tends to make my legs go numb. But, hey, he's a Good Boy and he picked me as  His Person, so I let him stay.

The night before last he stretched out near my side, using my body pillow for support. He was comfortable, I was comfortable, and we both fell asleep. I was also happy as hell because there's nothing like a warm kitty who wants nothing more than to be with you sleeping cuddled up close.

I'm not sure how long it was--an hour, maybe three--but I woke to the sound of a tiny, weird sounding meow. That was nothing new; both cats have soft meows unless they really want something, or are scared. I thought he might be having a bad dream, so I reached out to pet him.

Normally when I do, he lifts his head to look at me, even for just a second. But that night, he didn't move. I whispered his name, then said it louder, still petting him. No response.

Carefully, with a whole lot of trepidation, I set my hand on his side. I couldn't feel any movement. No soft rise and fall as he breathed, no tiny muscle twitches from the weight of my hand on him. 

I moved my hand to his chest. Not a thing. No breathing, and I couldn't feel a heartbeat. I pressed harder, still nothing.

So I stuck my finger under his nose, hoping to feel tiny puffs of warm air.

Nope.

So I did what any hopeful person would do. I started shaking him, speaking loudly, calling his name, begging him to wake up, despite the dread that he would not.

I shook harder.

Nada.

Finally, I reached for my glasses and half sat up, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I told him, "You're only a year old, CJ, come on."

My watch lit up, bathing his still body in dim light.

He lifted his head, looked at me like, HEY I AM SLEEPING HERE!, and then laid back down, dropping right back into the sleep I worked so hard to rouse him from.

"You," I said into the dark, "are a little shit."

meow.

16 March 2024

 

20 January 2020, the day I got this bike. About 8,000 miles and 12 pounds ago. Someone please come take those 12 pounds, please.

I skipped the meds last night, and for the first time in who knows when, the sleep fairy hasn't punched me in the face yet today. Am I tired? Yes. Could I fall asleep if I crawled back in bed? Also yes. But I don't feel like I will die if I don't take a nap.

Today was also not rainy (as it has been a whole lot lately) and not windy (last two days were awful) and wonderfully sunny, so after puttering around for a bit, I pulled on some bike shorts and headed out for a 100 mile ride.

I wish.

No, I intended to ride for an hour, which would have gotten me 15 miles a year ago. Today was slow, with a couple of breaks to assess how I really felt, and I ended it a little after 45 minutes and 10 miles. I know, your grandmother can ride faster than that and she dead...but I was happy enough with it.

I first stopped at the little park around the corner, somewhere around mile 5. I planned for just 2 minutes, enough to get a drink and check my HR, but then Rando Rider (who I see around all the time) pulled up and sat on the bench next to me. It's fine, it's not the first time, but he's Rando in my head because I don't know his name. His intent was to do the same thing I was, just a breather after his likely 18mph leisurely roll around town. He sat, grabbed his bottle, and then said, "Have you noticed how many people are out on bikes today? Other than me and you, they're all on those ebikes."

Now, I have several ebikes. I had no idea how he felt about them, but a lot of dedicated cyclists are still wallowing in the "that's cheating" pool.

And I had noticed. "Good for them," I said. "It's a nice day. Anything that gets them out on two wheels."

"Ayup." He slid his bottle back into the cage and got up. "I'm getting my fourteen year old one of those little folding ones. Get him pedaling before he's old enough to want a car."

And off he went. I admit, I was surprised. I expected him to grate against the ebike surge. But he took off too fast for me to tell him I have a small folding ebike in my garage I'd sell him for cheap.

Another minute, and off I went, too. I had a running commentary in my head, mostly noting all the work people had done in the yards, swapping grass for rock and plants, wondering how much that cost because damn they looked good. There's also a high chance that the commentary wasn't all him my head and I talked out loud to myself, but hey. Who cares.

Just before my final loop of the neighborhood I approached a 2 way stop sign, and coming up to it on the sidewalk was a little boy and his dad on their bikes. I could see easily that no one was coming, and normally I'd slow but not stop, but I did this time because...little kids. "See?" Dad said. "People DO stop on bikes at the sign."

Glad my gut was right and I didn't blow through it.

(No, I don't blow through stop signs. I slow, I balance, I wait. But I rarely need to put a foot down unless there's traffic.)

Next up: pulling all the bikes out of the garage to clean up, lube the chains, charge any batteries...and then put most of them up for sale. I don't need that many, I can't ride that many, and I realllllly want to make space for the One True Bike. 

Cross your fingers weaning off the meds is the answer...I have the Great Cycle Challenge in September and would really like to not cry my way through it.

13 March 2024

Blowing a little dust off the blog...

 Ok, so what's 4 months of silence amongst friends? I truly did not intend to let it go this long; there were a whole bunch of days when I opened the computer intending to write, but then things happened and nothing writery happened. So it goes.

I mentioned back in July that we had a new doctor who was taking my chronic pain seriously; she prescribed generic Cymbalta, which should play around with all the gunk in my brain and over time provide some relief, especially for my back pain. And it did--I'm guessing it's soothed about 90% of some specific radiating pain (though not the actual spine itself, where the pain is generated) which is enough that I could get back to doing the normal fun things I enjoy.

Problem is, there are side effects. Most of those went away within  couple weeks, but the sleepiness...oh, man, has that stuck around. I sleep well at night--a total victory for a chronic insomniac--but 3-4 hours after I get up in the morning, a vicious sleep fairy sneaks in an full on face punches me with fists fill with sleepy dust, and I find myself crawling back into bed. 

It's like there's no choice; I either go back to bed or fall asleep in my chair.

In the first weeks after we brought the cats home, that was fine. They were little and liked to plop down on top of me and nap for long stretches, so I slept then, too. Now they're full sized cats and while they still like to sleep with me, they're not an excuse for nap time. 

I'm drained all the time. I'm barely working--I've been playing with a manuscript for 4 months and have only gotten 40 pages into it, where normally I'd be done with the vomit draft--I can't read a book without falling asleep, I can't surf online for long, and I especially have not been riding the way I want. 

I love naps, but not when the sleepiness is keeping my from real life.

So, yeah, I need to contact the doc and see about weaning off the drug. I would honestly rather have the back pain than not function at all.

I'm still on Facebook every day, so you can catch me there if you miss me ;)

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The cats...

There's my big regret in not blogging. They grew so fast, from fluffballs to Real Cats a whole lot sooner than I would have likes. CJ is a big boy, long and tall and about 12 pounds; Ozzy is more petite, she feels tiny in your hands though she hit 10 pounds this week. He turned into a momma's boy and she's a daddy's girl...they picked their people and that's it. We didn't get to vote.

They love each other most of the time and spend an insane number of hours chasing and picking on each other. She takes no chit from him, despite how much bigger he is. But she will let him chase her all over the house, the definitive Thundering Herd of Elephants game, and it's not unusual to see him streak past with her hot on his tail.

He's super affectionate with me; she sometimes allows us to pick her up for a quick snuggle. Though, if I'm in my recliner, she jumps up, makes me lie back, and she crawls on top of me to purr. It just has to be on her terms.

 

 

They even work together every night to hunt the elusive toe mice that live under the blanket.

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I'm going to make better efforts to keep up here. I miss blogging, I miss the comments, I miss having old posts to go back and moan about what a moron I am. Hopefully, I'll be more awake when I do...