What Goes Through My Head At 2 a.m. When I Can’t Sleep…

Holy Mother of…. (looks at clock) It’s already two? Did I have caffeine tonight? I know I didn’t drink anything with caffeine and I was dead tired when I went to bed so why am I not sleeping?

Wait…I haven’t seen or heard Buddah since the Boy got home. God, he didn’t slip out when the Boy was coming in, did he? Why the hell does that cat seem to think there’s something better on the other side of that door? Every freaking time…wait, he has snuck out before but we’ve always seen him before we could get the door closed. What if the Boy didn’t see him? Buddah is out there all alone and he’s just a baby. And there are all those other cats outside. He would want to play and they would want to fight. I wonder what happened to that super-friendly black and white cat that was here when we first moved in. I hope he didn’t get run over. Oh crap, Buddah might be out there and now he’s probably dead because he’s jet black and no one can see him in the dark.

Cripes, I hate not being able to see in the dark. It would be so freaking nice to be able to drive around at night after it’s cooled down. Put the top down on the car, go out for a smoothie. Or even to the grocery store. Wait, do we have bread? I think we used the last of the bread and I never went to get any. I know we have pudding.

Man, the buffet place in Ohio had the best pudding. I miss that place. But I don’t miss the old guy who barfed all over the place. I’m sure he has his clone out here. If Max were dead I don’t think I’d clone him. I don’t get the whole trying to replace one pet with one that looks identical, anyway.

I haven’t heard Max for a while, either. Last time I saw him he was on top of the tower with his head hanging off. That has to hurt. I’m surprised he can breathe that way. Wait…was he breathing? Oh God Max is dead and I just left him there. In the morning he’ll still be there and we’ll have to peel him up. What do you do when you get up in the morning and your cat is dead? You can’t just throw them in the trash and we don’t have a backyard to bury them in. Call the vet? I wonder if you get charged for euthanasia even if they’re already dead. Did we get charged for Dusty’s euthanasia even though she died before the vet could stick the needle in? He’d already done the prep and had the pink stuff on the syringe. But I don’t think we had to pay for it.

We paid for Hank, I remember that. Sheesh, three hundred freaking dollars. But, considering how much pain he was in I suppose it was worth it. Poor guy could barely breathe anymore. He snored almost as badly as the Spouse Thingy. Wait, I don’t hear him snoring. Did he stop breathing? Holy crap, did he just up and die in the middle of the night? He’d better start snoring again so I know he’s alive. Because if he’s not I’m going to be super pissed.

Did I write down the amount I used the debit card for at the grocery store?

Oh man, it’s almost three in the freaking morning. Maybe I should just turn the TV on. I’m hungry now. And we have pudding. Should I get up and have a pudding cup? No…but damn, that sounds good. If I’m still awake in half an hour, I am getting up and having pudding…

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