150 pounds.
Roughly 12-15% body fat.
And I thought I was really overweight.

I may have posted this picture before; I probably did and just pushed it from my mind, trying to avoid the fact that I can’t even get those dobok pants up past my thighs now, and that top wouldn’t close around my torso if I begged and pleaded, not unless I added several inches to the side ties. The belt…I still have it somewhere, but I’d have to use a single wrap around the waist instead of the standard double wrap. And even then I don’t know if I could tie it.

I look back on that now and can’t believe I thought I was overweight.

Still…I can remember then—I think that picture was taken at a tournament in 1990 or 1991—looking at high school photos, and having the same thoughts. Wondering how I ever could have thought myself sooooo fat, when I clearly was not. Friends in high school never made the Fat Jokes that tend to come with those thoughts (granted, I got a lot of chubby barbs in grade school, when I did carry some extra body fat, but still…) so it’s not like I had that view of myself because of teasing.

It just seems a little odd to have such a skewed perspective.

The big difference is that now I know I’m overweight. It’s not just a feeling or someone else’s way of getting under my skin. I mean, I have it right there in my medical records, and let me tell you, the first time you read “obese white female” and it’s about you, it’s a kick in the teeth. Because it’s true. And it stings a little because it’s not necessarily because you stuffed yourself silly (though there have been a few too many Taco Bell burritos along the way, for sure) but because Real Life has a way of doing not so nice things to you from time to time. Even when your Life Overall is pretty spiffy.

Then up pops that picture.

I grab the turkey waddle that has been steadily growing under my chin—the one that creates 3 or 4 distinct chins if my head falls forward, and wonder:

How in hell did I ever think I was overweight back then?

I’m pretty sure I would do some grossly immoral and illegal things to have that body again.

Um, yeah.
Very sure.

Bypass the cake? Hell no.
Immoral and Illegal?
You betcha.

Any suggestions???

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