I tried to be upset with myself over the weight I gained between mid-July and late November, but the most I could do was shrug. It didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The only thing that mattered to me was not gaining anything else, lest I creep back over a number on the scale I swore to myself I would never see again.
There was no epiphany type moment where I puffed out my chest, hands on hips, and declared “I SHALL DIET!” Diets of the fad sort don’t really work for me; common sense does. I went back to counting calories, 1200-1400 a day (because I am not beating myself up if I go over that 1200 every now and then) and…that’s it. I re-started tracking my food with My Fitness Pal, and nothing else.
I stepped on the scale yesterday…and was down 12 pounds. That tells me a lot of that weight was water, but there’s still a little fat loss in there. It puts me only 3 pounds from where I was, which is fine. I’m still 35 from where I would like to be, the weight where I was the most comfortable, but I’ll get there or not, and my life will go on just fine.
I really only have two reasons I want to get my weight down: 1) I want to be healthy and getting more fat off will help with that, and 2) I want to be able to wear a really tight t-shirt and not be self-conscious about it.
No, for real. That t-shirt thing is a motivation. I don’t need washboard abs, I just want to be comfortable.
I’m ready to get back to work, and have pounded out 15 pages of the next Wick story, I’m ready to eat better, and I’m ready to move a little more—yesterday the pain cave was set back up in what used to be my office (and is, technically, the dining room though no one has ever dined in there. Unless eating a few cookies while I was at my desk counts.) The pieces are all there, I just need to fit them together.
|Rower, bike, squat, treadmill...should probably plug that treadmill in if I want to use it|
I’m still not sure what format the next Wick stories will be published in. I’m not worrying about it now. I just need to get back to work, finish the things planned before 2020 went to shit, and then give weight to the idea of moving on to something else. I have the good fortune of an understanding editor and publisher, so there’s no pressure.
But for sure, I’m not ready to let Wick go, I may never be ready to let Wick go, even if I just tell his stories online and save print for other things.