22 January 2020

Oddz-N-Endz #732,876,149.829842

I'm sitting here waiting for the FedEx guy. There are a couple dozen things I could be doing while I wait, but really I'm just bouncing around online because why would I use this time to be productive? I mean, sure, the kitchen is a disaster and I haven't vacuumed in over a week, and there are 3 loads of laundry to be done. But...eh.

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I have 6 weeks until this year's St. Baldrick's Shave-a-thon. That's 6 weeks to raise money for children's cancer research. I will probably get a little more obnoxious with my fundraising between now and then...and this year, for every $10 you donate, you get to pick a color strip for my hair. I'm going to show up looking FABULOUS if there are enough donations.

My goal this year is $1900, right about what was raised last year. This is an event I both love and hate; I love the purpose, what the funds are used for, but I honestly, seriously hate being bald.

I also hate being cold, and with no hair...yeah, your head gets freaking cold.

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A while back, probably in a I-don't-do-resolutions kind of post--I looked but I can't find it--I waxed unpoetically over the things I wasn't going to do to get into better shape and to get healthier. No extremes. Nothing like Paleo or Keto. No Jenny Craig. Nope.

Yeah, well. Lack of progress happens. I mean, I'm in better shape now than I've been in years, but the weight has been stubborn and I'm kind of fed up. I've aimed for under 1400 calories a day, I work out, but in a year I lost no weight. And then between August and the holidays, I gained back 5 of what I had previously lost.

It's tiny, but seriously tasty

So. Yep, I decided to do what I said I wasn't, just to shake things up. Other than the expense, there really didn't seem to be a reason to not give Nutrisystem another try, and then it was only an expense if I kept buying other foods. So, about 15 years after trying it the last time, I jumped back on the wagon.

And peoples...in 15 years the food has seriously improved. I think in the first 4 weeks I only tried two things I absolutely hated, and a whole lot of things I seriously enjoyed.

I've dropped the 5 pounds I gained last year, so fingers crossed I keep heading that way. I have 35-40 more I'd like to get rid of, and I'd like to hit that goal by my birthday. At the very least, I'd like to have lost 20-25 by my next endocrinologist appointment.

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This isn't about hating fat people or not accepting that there are different body types and we're all perfect the way we are. This is about me. And my comfort level. My perceived fitness and healthiness. It's not about you. So please, no "but losing weight never works, people never keep it off." You do you, and I'll do me.

The current version of me feels like life will be more comfortable another 40 pounds lighter.

Now, I've lost 50-60 pounds and kept it off for over a year. If I don't keep it off, it'll be because I decided I enjoy eating more, plain and simple. But I know that won't make me happy, because I'm really not happy with my body right now. So if you're still itching to tell me it won't work, eh, don't. Find another way to scratch that itch.

I am having a lot more fun now that I can move better.

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And yay, the FedEx guy just rolled up. That means that as soon as I unload all the frozen food, I can go outside and play. And then when I get home, face major indecision about what I want for lunch because I have CHOICES. Tasty, tasty choices.