21 October 2025

I knew recovery would be a process, with ups and downs and all, but until last night it's pretty much been all ups.

And then came SHOWER DAY which excited me, and meant taking off the dressings to see the incision and drain ports...and then redressing everything.

Problem is, I chose the wrong materials for this. The gauze pads were not quite right, the tape abysmal, and by the time, and it had to be done twice, which included a night time trip to the store by Spouse Thingy to get the right things. n hour or so before bed, I was all padded and taped up, and it was decided that there would be no shower today; leave those suckers alone so the surgeon (or his nurse or assistant) can deal with it tomorrow.

Along with this, the last two days have been marathon peeing. I should have expected this, especially after seeing how huge my belly was over the last couple days, but I didn't. I just whined about it. Part of me worried my DDAVP was no loner working, and when I hit visit 22 to the bathroom, I was sure of it. I had two days of having to get up and pee every 15-20 minutes, and that honestly sucks.

It also means that today, I am very, very tired. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but was not given the chance. Spouse Thingy made a list and went without me. 

He also suggested I drink the Gatorade the doc sent home with me, and he'd pick up more while out.

So today is a quiet day. I might take a nap, but am really hoping that by 3-4 this afternoon I'll perk up and can make him take me out for an ice cream cone.

Still, everything is going really well. Not much pain at all, just some itching under the tape. Drains come out tomorrow, which will help (and I won't have to be so protective of Ducky tying to play with the tubes.) I still feel bad for him...he wants to come in the room at night and cuddle so badly. I got up in the middle of the night to pee yet again, and he was curled up on a hamper just outside the door. And then cried when I wouldn't let him in.

It should be noted that CJ and Ozzy don't give a krap lol. 

20 October 2025

 Just wanted to get it on record: I survived, I am fine, and all is well. I didn't feel as nervous as I expected, and after...well, I am not as laid up as I presumed I'd be. I have limitations, like no lifting more than 5 pounds, no driving, no bikes, but I also have very, very little pain. The drain sites feel like a bruise and my upper chest is a weird mix of itchy and numb, but nothing I'd quantify as pain.

Day after, I ventured outside to walk around the court a couple times. I felt like I could do more, but was informed I was not, in fact, doing that, and was going back inside to rest.

If I wanted to walk more, there was always up and down the hallway.

Fine.

Day two, Spouse Thingy drove me the quarter mile to a little park around the corner, where we lapped it three times. I think that comes out to a bit over half a mile, which was enough.

Yesterday we wandered the neighborhood, looking for shade, and why the FORK is it hot and sunny during the back half of October? Inside there were video games and TV, so we cut it at half a mile again and went home where the cold drinks live.

Today...Costco. We didn't really need anything but the food court has some killer ice cream, so we walked around there with the idea that I'd get it on the way out.

You know what Costco is on a Monday around noon?

BUSY, that's what.

I did not get my ice cream there, but he did take me to Wendy's for a Frosty, which was just about as good.

You know it's an uneventful recovery when all I really did was walk a bit every day. I honestly thought I would have a couple of weeks where I did nothing but whine, scarf down all the Norco they gave me, and eat junk food. But I feel like I could do a hell of a lot more, advisable or not. 

Today was shower day (thank god) and I got to see my chest. It's not too bad. Kinda concave on the left side, which will either resolve or not, I don't care. The incision looks good and once I can start scar care, I can hopefully get it to nearly invisible (but again, if not, oh well. Aesthetics were not the goal here.) I'm just happy that as far as major surgery goes, this has basically been a cakewalk.

(That saying makes no sense to me, as I have lost every cakewalk I've participated in.) 

The hard part?

This guy.

Ducky loves to cuddle at night, usually by kneading his paws into my throat while he lays by my head (on my right side, he insists.) But he also likes to stand on my chest and wiggle around while he finds the right spot, which just seems like a bad idea.

I did give him a chance on day 2, hoping he would be all right with me being only on my back, while not being allowed on the chest. He was all right for about 3 minutes, when he sat up and stared at me, and placed on paw right where he shouldn't.

I felt like a monster putting him out of the room and closing the door.

And we won't tell anyone I picked his 10 pound little self up to do this.

I'm not sure how much longer he'll be barred from sleeping with me. Day after tomorrow I get the drains pulled, and I'm not sure what's next. I think there will still be another week of sleeping on my back, but I'm not sure about letting him in. Even when I sleep on my side, I sometimes roll onto my back and he'll notice if I do.

So if you feel bad for anyone in all this, feel bad for Ducky.

Drains on Wednesday, I think a checkup at one month, and at 6 weeks I can get back on the bike, join a gym, anything I want. Maybe get out of Spouse Thingy's hair, because by then he will surely deserve it.

11 October 2025

 Oddz N Endz N Questions #864,245,111

Hey, what happened to the little Thumper picture in the sidebar with the blog title? I really liked it and miss it.

Disney happened, that's what. They don't like it when people use their IP. And they are very persistent in getting people to remove those images...even ones that were buried deep in old, old posts. I just never have figured out something to replace it with. 

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Can we ask you questions about your surgery? I don't want to pry and I know it's private, but I admit to curiosity and have never known someone to go through a mastectomy before. I didn't know it was an option for pain, and I have a lot of pain, so yeah, I have questions.

You can ask me anything; anyone can. I'll ignore questions that cross the line (like how will this affect sex? Will you do things differently? My guys, you don't need to know what we do) but I am open to sharing information. There's a lot of info out there regarding reductions (and if you're thinking of one, /r/Reduction on Reddit is a fantastic place to research and ask questions. It's where I started, when I was considering "just" a reduction. Be aware, you will see lots of boobs on there. And one day, even mine, I think.

Why? Because sharing info, even what it looks like post surgery, is how others learn and make informed opinions about the whole thing. I benefited from other people sharing, so I'll share in return.

Common questions so far:

Are you going flat or getting reconstruction?

Flat. The whole point is to remove pain, and movement = pain. I don't need boobs anymore; I certainly don't feel like I'll be less of a woman for it, but I do feel like I'll benefit immensely from being flat. And no more bras, ever! 

I hope this is not his tool kit...

Is this like trans top surgery?

Not quite. In top surgery some breast tissue is left behind--men have breasts, after all. All of my breast tissue will be removed, though my scars might resemble top surgery. I'm not sure if I'll have two incisions or one long one. Mike mused that it didn't matter because no one else beside him will see, but who knows? I might get brave and go topless now and then ;)

How did you get insurance to pay? I want something similar but I'm not big enough according to them.

I didn't. Apparently 40+ years of pain is not enough for this to be "medically necessary." It worked out better for me, though, I think. The surgeon I'm going to does not take insurance (private clinic) and requires payment before the surgery happens (financing available lol.) No, this is not alarming; a lot of private practices just don't want the insurance headache anymore and offer reduced pricing because of it.

Yes, it's spendy. No, we still are not rich. But we did have this much available, and it's kind of an investment in my future. If I can live another 20 years, pain free (other than my back) it will be totally worth it.

And funny enough, a simple bilateral mastectomy is cheaper than a reduction. By nearly 5 grand.

Will there be photos? Like before and after?

Are you asking to see my boobs while I still have them? LOL maybe. There actually are some before photos on the surgeons website, but hidden behind a password. If they make it to his main site, I might tell ya. If there are picture taken during the surgery (and I've given permission for that and video) it might wind up on the center's IG. 

How long is the recovery?

Not 100% sure. He did say that by six weeks I could return to normal activities, including working out. I've been told that (in a reduction, at least) days 2 and 3 are the worst, followed by week 2. After that, I'll probably feel fine but I'll still have restrictions...like working out and lifting anything heavier than 5-10 pounds. And that's the sucky part. I'll want to pick Amelia up, but she is a bit more than 5-10 pounds. Mike will lift her to my lap when she's here (or we're there) and I ask him to. There will be a barrier between us (mastectomy pillow) so I'm unsure how it will really work out.

How long with you be in the hospital?

Not at all. This is a surgical center and it's outpatient surgery (for real! Times have changed.) I go in in the morning and will be home by evening. It's an hour drive and we'll probably wind up in going-home traffic, so that part will suck. I'll have to hang around for a couple hours after, but by the end of the day they'll kick my asterisk out and I'll be free.

Bra burning party?

Oh man, I would love to. I'll probably have to settle for just tossing them all out and celebrating with a drink. After I can drink again.

I had planned gall bladder surgery last year and was told no weed before. You once mentioned using it for sleep. Can you still?

My surgeon never said anything about it, but everything I've read says to stop 72 hours beforehand. So I won't sleep much for a couple of nights. Ngl, I am not looking forward to that part. 

What about kitty snuggles???

I hate it, but the bedroom door will be closed initially, and Ducky especially will have to be kept away from my chest. He's a cuddle bug at night so he'll be most affected. Not sure how it'll work out, but we'll figure it out along the way.

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Where is the next Wick book? I miss them!

I have started and started over so many times...but I *am* working on something. It's in my head, from start to finish, but since Mike retired I have found way too many other things to do. 

We're going to space, I can tell you that much.

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My mind is single track these days, just counting off days as if it were Christmas and I were an 8 year old excited for Santa. I imagine by 2026, I'll have other things to talk about. Probably bikes ;) 

 

1 October 2025

:::Yet again, I blow the dust off the blog:::

 

It’s October, so pink ribbons are going to be popping out everywhere, friends are walking a couple of different breast cancer walks to raise money for research, and other friends are currently undergoing treatment for varying stages of the disease.

Normally this it the time of year I dye my hair pink and either engage in some fundraising myself, or I cheer friends on while rocking that pink. I love my pink hair, even if it gets me some odd looks from strangers…I mean, I get it, someone my age with hair that bright, but c’mon. It’s just hair.

I’m not dyeing this year, though.

Now, honestly, I would normally tell the people in my immediate life in person (or text, because I just don’t do calls anymore. Saves us both a lot of WUT?? From me. But I started making a list of all the people who needed to know, and it got so long that I finally mumbled “phk it” to myself and decided to just mass-tell everyone, even total strangers who might stumble across my blog.

Don’t get too excited…it’s not OMG HUGE NEWS. It’s not even omg medium news. It’s just kinda =meh= you should know in case something happens.

Oh man, remember Stumble Upon? When you could hop from one new blog to the next, making sweet discoveries, and if you were lucky, a friend or two? That was awesome. And I miss it. But I digress.

Ok, I could find a lot of other things to annoy you with, but I’ll start with some history. Some of you know my history, most of you don’t. But this particular slice of history begins over 40 years ago, when the Boy was a baby—or maybe a toddler, hard to pin down now—and it has not let up until now.

Pain.

Lots of pain.

No, not the pain I get from having a bad back. Not even the pain from Fibro or arthritis. It has nothing to do with brain tumors and the mess that left me with.

Nope. It’s about boobs.

Mine hurt.

Mine have hurt for over 40 years, and despite a myriad of things a bunch of different doctors have tried, that pain has never really let up. It waxes and wanes, but does not go away.

I’ve had docs that took it seriously and honestly tried to find a cause and treatment, docs who dismissively waved their hands with a common “lose weight,” and one doc that decided all I needed was to stop eating chocolate. I assumed she meant caffeine on general, but at that point I hadn’t had any for about 2 years. Still…stop eating chocolate.

Well now. OK.

The last time I sought help, the doc I saw listened, paid attention to the history of treatments that had been attempted, and sorrowfully told me he was pretty sure it was all hormonal, and would resolve with menopause.

I was in my 30s then…looking down a very long tunnel of misery.

At some point, I stopped bringing it up to doctors, because it felt like there was no point. I waited for menopause, and…nothing. I’m many years into it, and they still hurt. It’s affecting the things I do in daily life, and the things I do for fun. I’ve given up so many activities, and was wrestling with the idea that cycling would be one of them. I’ve been slowing down, a lot, mainly because I cannot generate any power with them moving back and forth.

I tried multiple sports bras to no avail.

I’ve started slouching horribly, and now have upper back and neck pain.

Then it hit me (I’m not sure why) that maybe a reduction would at least help a little. With less material moving around, perhaps there would be less pain.

So I got a consult from our doc, and we drove an hour away to a surgeon who seemed promising.

He listened. He read the long “this is why” paper I brought with me. He examined me, determined I have very dense breast tissue, and said “Based on this, I think you would benefit more from a bilateral mastectomy.”

There was no bullshitting around about hormones, or “yeah maybe a TINY bit off the top.” His take seems to be that without the breast tissue, there’s a better chance that this will work. Not just a reduction, not even a radical reduction, but removal of the whole shebang.

And while I spoke with the surgeon, the Spouse Thingy piped up, “I just want to be able to really hug her again.”

So…October 16^th at a time yet to be determined, I am happily undergoing a simple bilateral mastectomy.

To make it clear: I AM NOT ILL, I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. Just tons of booby pain that will (fingers crossed) go away after I’ve fully recovered from surgery.

Spouse Thingy is prepared to help with the recovery. Michelle is poised to visit every now and then, even if just to sit and watch TV together. I won’t be able to lift my granddaughter for a while, but she can be placed in my lap after the first weeks or so and I can still feed her and cuddle her, and not move an inch if she falls asleep.

At about 6 weeks, I can start working out again. I’ll be able to get back on the bike, join a gym so I can swim again, we can speed-walk if we want (and if my back cooperates…this sadly will not help with the clusterfark that is my lower back.)

Two weeks, 1 day, and I’ll be boobless.

Guys, I am so excited about this I can’t even begin to express it.