Thumper And The Spouse Thingy Go To The Movies

Reasons to enjoy Kingdom Of Heaven

  • Orlando Bloom is pretty.

  • Movie popcorn is tastier than microwave at home popcorn.

  • It’s nice to see that the guy who played Dr. Bashir on Deep Space Nine is working.

  • Orlando Bloom is pretty.

  • There are lots of horses in the movie.

  • Being in the theater beats being at home contemplating laundry and dirty dishes.

  • Orlando Bloom is pretty.

Reasons To Go See Crash Instead

  • Crash has an awesome ensemble cast and while everyone stands out, no one is the “star.”

  • Crash is not two and a half hours of thinking “Come on, get on with the story already."

  • Crash has a plausible and well thought out storyline. Kingdom of Heaven…not so much.

  • Crash is not loaded with close ups of actors staring mournfully into the distance, nor do any of the characters cut their hair down to nubs for no apparent reason, bonk someone else’s spouse while on a quest to become the “perfect” knight, and have all this knowledge about combat after having grown up as a blacksmith.

  • Crash will have you leaving the theater thinking, “Damn! That was one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time!” instead of, “Eh. I think I have a popcorn kernel stuck behind one of my molars.”

But Orlando Bloom is pretty…

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