My head is all over the place today.
The day started out with a cursory visit to some of my favorite online haunts; at one of them I learned of the death of a long time regular. It’s a FMS newsgroup; there’s a whole group there who have added emotional pain to the physical they normally bear. And Joan, the woman who died, was one of the good ones. She was a sweet, sweet person who just seemed to always want to help.
A few minutes after I got done reeling from that, I surfed onto a friend’s blog to see a note from her husband: she’s in labor. Their brand new baby boy should be born sometime today, maybe tomorrow.
And thusly does the circle of life go on, a mixture of both good tears and bad.
We were supposed to go to the Y today and have some young thing tell us how fat and out of shape we are; I couldn’t face it. I didn’t feel like it, not one bit. So the Spouse Thingy called and canceled, for which I am grateful. They can tell us how fat we are another day. It gave me time to sit here and poke around, play with a website we’re designing (said as if I know what I’m doing…)
And then I tortured the Spouse Thingy. I dragged him off with me to go shoe shopping. Unlike many women, I hate shoe shopping (shopping for Chucks doesn’t count…I love those but I can’t wear them very often) but I have to twice a year; there’s something castic about my feet that chews through them every six months. And I have huge feet, it’s hard to find shoes that fit, much less shoes that are supportive enough to help my back and tender tootsies. So I want to share my misery.
And he went.
And I only tortured him for 90 minutes or so, until I found a pair that worked for me.
For at least those 90 minutes I didn’t think about people dying, and how FMS makes it hard to tell if new pain is “something” or “just FMS,” and if someday I’ll be on the end of a really bad decision by a doctor to blow it off as just FMS.
I could spend the rest of the evening dwelling on it; I’m going to miss seeing Joan at the newsgroup and my heart does ache for her family, but I’m going to try to think about Mason, the new baby working his way into this world. His parents have wanted him for forever…my heart needs to be focused on his entry being happy and healthy, and soon.