Thumper Thinks Out Loud

Ok…Next on Thumper Has A New Toy. A trip to the base hospital.

I’m sitting in the waiting room at the Family Practice Clinic in the base hospital, waiting to be called back. This is my least favorite part of being seen at the clinic: the first thing they do is weigh you. Thing is, I know what I weigh and I’m not thrilled with it, so I don't really care to share that number with anyone else, especially some young airman who has to squash the giggles while he or she thinks "Ahoy, there be a whale!!!"

Then comes BP. Not a bad thing, but for some reason I seem to have white coat syndrome. My BP at home is perfectly normal--last time The Spouse Thingy checked (and he does periodically, to make sure what I have really is WCS and not high BP) it was 112/722. I get here and it shoots up to 150/88 or thereabouts. But they do believe me when I tell them that...though last time the med tech came back after I'd been sitting there for 5 minutes to recheck. It went from 150/88 to 120/76. Go figure.

The thing I especially don't like about sitting in the waiting room is the exposure to all the sick people. Face it, a lot of people are here because they feel like crap and want to be fixed. Who can blame them? If you're puking up your toenails every 10 minutes, you want someone to give you something to stop that. So as sympathetic as I might feel, that doesn't mean I want to share airspace with them.

Thumper's hint #1 for getting away from a clinic waiting room uncootified: sit next to the really old people. There's a good chance they're only there to take care of non-communicable things, like arthritis or Lumago, or in the case of some of the 90 year old men, they just want Viagra.

Yeah, there's a pretty picture for your head.

Oh, and as fun as this toy is, it's not a laptop. In fact, it's so not a laptop that it's sliding off my lap...

Hint #2: don't follow hint #1 if you're susceptible to smells. Old people tend to pass gas without realizing it. At least, the old people I manage to always wind up next to.

Yeehaw, I have now been called back, been weighed (ugh), BP was 139/80, and now I'm sitting here, waiting for the doc. And I'm going to be famous, because I'm in the We're Taping For Education room. My exam is going to be immortalized on video tape. Yay. Hey, they may be taping me as I sit here, tapping away on the keyboard. I suppose that's better than being taped while I pick my nose, forgetting that there’s a camera there.

All hail the power of suggestion. My nose itches, and now I have the feeling like there's a zit on my shoulder that wants to be popped.

Damn camera.

I wonder if I'll get to keep my pants on this time. Last time there was a med student, and in order for him to get a better feel of my lower back, I dropped trou to let him feel me up better....oh, I learned years ago, always wear Lycra shorts under the jeans. It's just more comfortable than prancing around in your undies. That's hint #3. Be prepared. However, I have the shorts and I shaved my legs, so chances are I'll remain fully clothed.

Mostly I'm just here to get my MRI results and see what the blood work showed. I'm not even seeing my regular doc. Not sure why she was unavailable but it was see a newby or wait Who Knows How Long.

Oooh, Monday I have an endocrinology appointment. Maybe I'll be nice and spare y'all the minute by minute details of that one...

===We now pause for station identification, or the doctor will see me now===

Ok, all done. I let myself be poked and prodded and twisted and turned for the sake of medical advancement, and because each doc I see seems to feel the need to poke and prod and twist and turn me, even though the paper in front of them says I have been poked and prodded and twisted and turned numerous times already. He pulled up the MRI results (and the MRI itself--and it was like ANIMATION! Like my dream! But without the exploding macaroni spine...) and discovered that the imaging was not done far enough into the thingys that connect the spine and pelvis and hip, which is where the pain seems to originate, and what they wanted to see.

It did show spinal arthritis at L4 and L5, but that would not explain the hip pain.

He also pulled up my blood work on the computer; my cholesterol is so-so (ok he says for someone with no family history of heart disease) and it came back positive for inflammation.

Since he is not my regular doc, he wants to discuss this with her, and get back to me. Oy. But I think they're leaning towards arthritis as the cause, and he thinks she might want to repeat the MRI to get a deeper look into the joints.

I was not in much pain before the exam, but after the poking and prodding and twisting and turning, I am feeling it a bit. So I shall go make myself feel better, with lunch and a piece of cake.

Yes, cake cures everything.
That's my excuse, anyway.

Thus endeth Thumper’s Trip To The Doctor. She promises to spare you Monday’s potentially long ass appointment. Maybe.