It’s been three years
Three years today
Happy anniversary to me
I think I shall have cake and celebrate.

Two years ago today I pondered it
I don’t recall doing much to mark the day
Just kinda grateful to be here, really
I surely had chocolate. Or pizza. Or booze.

One year ago today I went to a birthday party
For a beautiful young girl
She celebrated her first birthday
I celebrated life.

But today is a 3 year milestone of memories
I remember the fear
Asking the surgeon to not sneeze with his fingers in my brain
The Versed taking effect, making me feel far away.

I remember confidence
Because the Spouse Thingy hand picked the best:
The surgeon who didn’t sneeze
And the CRNA who kept me asleep.

I remember waking up
Whining because my head hurt so badly
Terror that I would stop breathing
And determination that I would inhale deeply.

I remember a blue shirt
My son standing at the end of the bed
I loved that blue shirt on him
And I think he knew that.

I remember chocolate pudding
And grape juice
And hospital jello
Telling my father in law that it sucked.

I don’t remember much of the pain
Other than that first headache
I remember my mother in law
Looking warm and wonderful there.

I remember the Spouse Thingy
Staying until late at night
Making sure I could drink enough
Because I wasn’t being medicated.

I remember not caring
When the surgeon told me I might never feel my front teeth again
Thinking, quite clearly, that numb teeth were a small price to pay
For getting through it.

It was benign.
It was just a mass of white cells
It might have gone away on its own
Or maybe not.

It left me with a few problems
But nothing that really mattered
And the surgery was a small price to pay
To know for sure.

I remember fuzzy details in sharp clarity.

But what I remember most
About this day three years ago
Was feeling loved.
Really, truly loved.

That ain’t half bad, folks.
A lot of people walk away from surgery
Feeling a whole lot less.
I am one lucky, lucky Wabbit.

I do have a brain.

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