Thumper Thinks Out Loud

The One Where Thumper Gets Escorted Out Of Border's...

One of the things the Spouse Thingy gave me for Christmas is this real cool long sleeved t-shirt with a white tiger on it. I have a thing for tigers, so the shirt was pretty much the ideal gift. I wore it yesterday, and because I DON'T SWEAT OR STINK, I decided it was good for another wear today.

And if I do stink, eh...just don't breathe around me.

But.

There I was in Border's, waiting in line to buy a Way Too Expensive Large Ice Tea, and this guy walking by sees my shirt, and gets a little too excited.

WOW YOUR SHIRT IS REALLY COOL DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT TIGER THEY KILLED AT THE ZOO?

Um...yeah, I did (Please stop yelling at me...)

THEY CALLED THE POLICE THEY SHOULDNTA DONE THAT THEY SHOULDA TRANQUILIZED IT.

(sigh) I don't think they had time to do that. (Here tiger, tiger...stop chewing on the people while we run and get a special gun just for you...)

THEY SHOULD ALWAYS BE READY FOR STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT'S A ZOO AND THEY GOTTA BE READY.

I shrugged, paid for my tea, and went to sit down, ready to scratch out some notes (maunscript is finally starting to seriously gel, thankeweveddymuch.) Surely this guy--even though his mental age seemed to be around 7 or 8, and I don't mean that unkindly; it is what it is--would take a hint.

But no. I hadn't heard enough. Before I could blink, he was there beside the table.

I WENT TO THAILAND ONCE AND THE MONKS THERE TAMED THE TIGERS AND THET LET YOU PET THEM AND HOLD THE CUBS.

Really? I wouldn't have done that.

WHY NOT THEY ARE TAME BUT THE MONKS SAY TO STAY AWAY FROM THEIR MOUTHS.

Ooookay.

THOSE KIDS AT THE ZOO WERE POKING THE TIGERS WITH STICKS.

I hadn't heard that.

THEY WERE TEASING THEM AND BEING MEAN AND--

The girl at the counter, in a pretense of coming over to clean off a table, asked him to leave me alone; I was there to get a little work done and I didn't have a lot of time. With a loud OKAY he wandered off, but I could see him walking back and forth between the aisles, and he kept pointing me out to people. SEE HER SHIRT IT'S REALLY COOL AND IT HAS TIGERS ON IT. I LIKE THAT SHIRT.

Instead of looking at me, most people turned around and walked the other way.

I wasn't getting anything done, and I was seriously starting to get a little freaked out; I flipped my notebook closed, took a long sip off my tea and tossed the rest of it in the trash. I shrugged towards the girl at the counter--she knows my name now, I've been there enough--and thanked her, and as I started to turn she nodded to a male employee who was off to one side.

Apparently Tiger Boy freaked them out a little, too.

"I'm just going to walk you to the door," he said, "and make sure he doesn't follow you."

He stopped at the door and said he would make sure my new little friend didn't get close enough to see where I had parked.

Trust me, I couldn't thank the guy enough. Chances are Tiger Boy was harmless and really only wanted to talk about tigeers, but I really didn't want to find out. And while he looked like someone I could have defended myself against, you never know. I'd rather not have to find out, and I'd rather not be known as the old lady who beat the snot out of some poor mentally challenged guy.

Still.

I got escorted out of Border's.

That's how bad ass I am.