Thought Bombs

  • If you drop something, and then let loose with a mighty fart when you bend over to pick it up, don’t get all teary eyed and embarrassed. Just stand up, say either “excuse me” or “damn dog followed me here, didn’t he?” and then walk away. Your gaseous anomaly isn’t going to offend me nor will it kill me.

  • Go ahead and follow me around the parking lot, hoping I’ll lead you to a really sweet parking spot. Chances are I’m going to walk between cars to the next aisle, simply because you’re creeping me out.

  • I still want to be on The Biggest Loser but I’m hoping by the next time audition tapes are accepted I won’t come close to qualifying.

  • When I said I was ready for a cold snap, I didn’t really mean it.

  • Feliz Navidad is already stuck in my head…

  • The apartment is finally empty and clean. You may all now rejoice.

  • The house, however, looks like the apartment entered, threw up, and then left without cleaning up after itself.

  • Chocolate needs to be a diet food.

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