The One Where Thumper Gets Escorted Out Of Border's...

One of the things the Spouse Thingy gave me for Christmas is this real cool long sleeved t-shirt with a white tiger on it. I have a thing for tigers, so the shirt was pretty much the ideal gift. I wore it yesterday, and because I DON'T SWEAT OR STINK, I decided it was good for another wear today.

And if I do stink, eh...just don't breathe around me.

But.

There I was in Border's, waiting in line to buy a Way Too Expensive Large Ice Tea, and this guy walking by sees my shirt, and gets a little too excited.

WOW YOUR SHIRT IS REALLY COOL DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT TIGER THEY KILLED AT THE ZOO?

Um...yeah, I did (Please stop yelling at me...)

THEY CALLED THE POLICE THEY SHOULDNTA DONE THAT THEY SHOULDA TRANQUILIZED IT.

(sigh) I don't think they had time to do that. (Here tiger, tiger...stop chewing on the people while we run and get a special gun just for you...)

THEY SHOULD ALWAYS BE READY FOR STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT'S A ZOO AND THEY GOTTA BE READY.

I shrugged, paid for my tea, and went to sit down, ready to scratch out some notes (maunscript is finally starting to seriously gel, thankeweveddymuch.) Surely this guy--even though his mental age seemed to be around 7 or 8, and I don't mean that unkindly; it is what it is--would take a hint.

But no. I hadn't heard enough. Before I could blink, he was there beside the table.

I WENT TO THAILAND ONCE AND THE MONKS THERE TAMED THE TIGERS AND THET LET YOU PET THEM AND HOLD THE CUBS.

Really? I wouldn't have done that.

WHY NOT THEY ARE TAME BUT THE MONKS SAY TO STAY AWAY FROM THEIR MOUTHS.

Ooookay.

THOSE KIDS AT THE ZOO WERE POKING THE TIGERS WITH STICKS.

I hadn't heard that.

THEY WERE TEASING THEM AND BEING MEAN AND--

The girl at the counter, in a pretense of coming over to clean off a table, asked him to leave me alone; I was there to get a little work done and I didn't have a lot of time. With a loud OKAY he wandered off, but I could see him walking back and forth between the aisles, and he kept pointing me out to people. SEE HER SHIRT IT'S REALLY COOL AND IT HAS TIGERS ON IT. I LIKE THAT SHIRT.

Instead of looking at me, most people turned around and walked the other way.

I wasn't getting anything done, and I was seriously starting to get a little freaked out; I flipped my notebook closed, took a long sip off my tea and tossed the rest of it in the trash. I shrugged towards the girl at the counter--she knows my name now, I've been there enough--and thanked her, and as I started to turn she nodded to a male employee who was off to one side.

Apparently Tiger Boy freaked them out a little, too.

"I'm just going to walk you to the door," he said, "and make sure he doesn't follow you."

He stopped at the door and said he would make sure my new little friend didn't get close enough to see where I had parked.

Trust me, I couldn't thank the guy enough. Chances are Tiger Boy was harmless and really only wanted to talk about tigeers, but I really didn't want to find out. And while he looked like someone I could have defended myself against, you never know. I'd rather not have to find out, and I'd rather not be known as the old lady who beat the snot out of some poor mentally challenged guy.

Still.

I got escorted out of Border's.

That's how bad ass I am.

3 column templates
(for Chaz, don'tcha know...)

When I throw up a new look for my blog, chances are I took an existing template and tweaked it. My current one (really a simple 3 column table) has been tweaked so many times I couldn't tell you what it originally looked like. The Spouse Thingy's blog was originally a simple 3 column template by Thur Broeder; I just played with it, adding in the background and stuff until it looked like what I wanted. Same with Buddah's. I found his original template at blogskins.com and just tweaked it. Max's skin was originally a 2 column; I just added in the 3rd.

Thor 1, ST's blog based on it
Thor 2, similar to 1
Thor 3 similar to 1 and 2
Buddah's basic skin
My blog template

Take 'em if you want, play with them, see if they're what you need.

You know how kids can get too much of Christmas, then they start squabbling?



Same goes for cats...

In browsing the local paper this morning, I read an article that says that according to the 2007-08 American Pet Products Manufacturers Association National Pet Owners Survey (try saying that three times fast) 56% of dog owners and almost half of all cat owners will buy their pets a gift for Christmas this year. The article also says that dog owners are likely to buy 7 gifts per year, and other pet owners about 4 gifts. Regardless of the pet species, the average price of each of those gifts is $10.

It's nice to know we're not as nuts as we thought; at least half you you people are nuts right along with us. And it's also nice to know that we are so above average...

What I really want to know, though, is how many people actually wrap their pets' presents, and how many have stockings for the little four legged wonders.

Not that we would ever go overboard on our cats.

Oh, no.

And it's not like we're planning on taking pictures of them getting their gifts.

Um.

shuddup

There's still time if you haven't gotten your furry friend something. I have it on good authority that for cats, all it takes is a bag of crunchy treats, some kitty crack, and a feathered toy or two.

And spend more than ten bucks, so that you, too, can be above average.

Because truly, how can it be a Merry Christmas if Fido and Fluffy don't get anything?

stop looking at me like that...

Dear Lady In the Target Snack Bar,

Really, would it have killed you to pull the cell phone away from your face for 2 seconds to really acknowledge the elderly guy who approached to ask if he and his wife (who was slowly walking towards you, her walker moving one inch at a time) could share your table? Would it have cost you anything to politely say, "of course" instead of rolling your eyes and sighing snottily, "I suppose"? Did you care whether or not you made them uncomfortable with your deliberate act of ignoring them while they sipped at their coffee? Did you even notice that you were alone at a table for four and had the only available chairs in the whole place? Do you realize you could have made their day simply by being nice, appearing happy to have them at your table, by saying hello and then wishing them Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or even just Goodbye when they got up to leave? Would you have noticed if I'd ripped that freaking phone from your hand and shove it up your left nostril? Because I wanted to. That makes me as rude as you, I suppose, but I wanted to.

Someday you're going to be old. And someday you might need to sit down and the only available seat will be at an occupied table. And I hope that whomever is there was raised a little better than you seem to have been.

Sincerely,
Someone Whose Momma Did A Few Things Right...

Cross posted to Dear So And So...

Glares at screen...

By definition, you should be able to use a laptop computer on your lap, right?

So who was the genius that designed mine in a way that causes it to overheat and turn itself off when used on a lap?

I'd like to punch him in the nipples, I really would.

::cries a little over losing those 3 AWESOME, WONDERFULLY WRITTEN, PULITZER WORTHY pages:::

Attention Holiday Shoppers...
These are not suggestions:



I saw at least 4 cars blow stop signs and 5 more run red lights today.
Do some people really think stopping is optional?

---

If you're going to walk behind someone and pop the back of their head--even gently--and laugh "Heyya loser!" make dang sure it's who you think it is, lest you wind up with an angry middle aged woman jumping out of her chair who aims her laser death ray eyes at you.

---

On Sundays, leave a table for the Wabbit in the Border's cafe, otherwise she has to go to the library where there are rude young men running around slapping people in the back of the head.

---

No Wabbits were harmed during the experiences that lead to today's post. One young man, however, was extremely embarrassed.

Yesssssssssss...

Owner Lady called today; she was able to refinance her mortgage on this house, so she's not going to have to sell. We can stay put, at least for now.

:::happy dance:::

A few nights ago the Spouse Thingy and I went to Burger King, because I truly hate to cook and...well, I hate to cook. It was a little cool out so I grabbed my uber spiffy red, white and blue leather jacket--the one people keep asking to buy from me--and off we went in search of grease-laden, over cooked burgers.

There were several teens in the parking lot, and inside there was a group crowding a bunch of table near the door. Typical kids, clothes a little too big, baseball caps on sideways. No big deal.

But as we walked in one of the boys looked at me and said "What a fat ass !"

I ignored him, as I am wont to do when faced with stupid people. It stung a bit, but the truth tends to do that.

But when we were up near the counter, the Spouse Thingy was laughing and said, "He wants it."

"Eh?"

He pointed at my jacket. "He obviously likes it."

That's a bad ass jacket!

I totally need to clean my ears out.

Ya know, 55 degrees (F) isn't all that cold...unless you're going 45 mph and are not bundled up enough for the wind chill.

Who'da thunk that I'd need to wear more clothes???

Lesson learned.

You would think, that after six years of living with Max, we would know better than to leave the kitchen for even 3 minutes with pizza still on the counter.

Dear Lottery Gawds,

Please let me win. Well, first remind me to buy a ticket, and then let me win. The house I lived in as a teenager and have always thought of as home is for sale at a really good price, and it would be super spiffy to be able to live in it again. But yeah, I need to buy that ticket first...Then I'll win, right???

The owner of this house, the one we've only been in since late August...she wants to sell. This is the 3rd time this has happened to us in less than 3 years. I am beyond pissed off. Way, way beyond.

Overheard in Walmart yesterday, as a little boy, obviously embracing his inner Dean Martin, wandered past singing to himself: When the moon hits your eye with a big piece of pie, that's annoying...

---

We haven't had a fire in any of the places we've lived since we got Max (so, thusly, neither have we had one since we got Buddah...) and decided in this house, we'd use the fire place.

They were both curious; the Spouse Thingy lit the little log but it fizzled out as both cats got close for inspection.

After the Spouse Thingy got it going again, Max was the only one who wanted to get close and watch the flames flicker.

I'm just hoping neither one decides to stick a little nose against the glass...

If I were a more mature person, I could safely say that tomorrow, when it's going to be 60 degrees and mostly sunny outside, that I'd be sitting at my computer, working.

Maturity is over rated.

I go zoooooom instead?

:)

We could not find her owners.

We put notices up all over the neighborhood, an ad on Craig's List and a bunch of other lost Pet websites, scoured the papers for any sign of her in the lost & found section...and the more I observed her the more certain I was that she didn't have any people.

She couldn't live in our garage forever (well she could but that would be less than ideal) and while I was sorely tempted to just keep her (and I mean *seriously* tempted) it just wasn't the best situation, given Max's problems with stress.

But...The Spouse Thingy's friend from work had neighbors who have been looking for a kitty to add to their family. They met our little garage kitty yesterday and took the evening to think it over, and today she went to live with her new family, complete with an older brother kitty who apparently didn't seem to mind having a little sister.

I will miss her (her new name is Snowball, which fits just right) but I get my garage back, and I was starting to go into bike withdrawal. And not too far away there's a little girl who is overjoyed to have a new kitty, and a little boy who thinks it's pretty spiffy, too.

So it all worked out.