Thumper Thinks Out Loud

First, it was Flamingo Porn (btw, most of those birds are still in my flower bed and still doing it; only one couple finally called it quits, and only because one of ‘ems leg broke clean off…) Yesterday, it was Ladybug Porn.

Yes, two ladybugs on the windshield of the car, going at it like horny college students.

I first noticed them as I sat waiting for the Spouse Thingy, who had run into the TMO building on base to ask that we not get stuck with a particular moving company when we finally leave here. I have my doubts that the female was all that willing at first; she was scrambling, her little legs pumping hard, tiny feet sliding across the glass as she appeared to attempt to buck him off.

He wasn’t letting go or giving up; after five minutes or so, she finally did give up and held still.

For a while, I thought she was dead.

Humped to death in a parking lot at Wright Patterson Air Force Base.<

I considered reaching out and flicking them off the windshield—I mean, come on, this was bordering on necrophilia—but she moved, little legs once again moving across the glass.

So I left them alone, and sat there for a good fifteen minutes, figuring that they had to stop soon.

Ladybugs have awesome stamina.

Just about then the Spouse Thingy came out and we headed for our next destination. We hit 15 mph, and they were still there.

30 mph, and still hanging on.

45 freaking miles and hour and those two were still clinging to the windshield, with no signs of stopping.

We kept going, they kept going.

Finally, a good 5 miles away, while we were at a stop light, she started to crawl, trying to shrug off her horny little parasite.

She crawled towards the top of the car, moving this way and that way, trying to be free.

And then we moved. The light changed to green and we had to go.

As the Spouse Thingy put his foot on the gas and turned, a gust of wind picked them up and sent them flying—still connected—over our car.

Right into the grill of a pickup truck.

In my head I imagine I can hear her tiny little scream of terror as they hurtled towards the Grill of Doom, and a sleepy little male ladybug voice muttering, “but was it good for you..?”