Guys, I wish I was making this shit up.
As I was leaving Walmart, having purchased the Spouse Thingy's requested bubble wrap and baby oil (speculation as to why he needs them is occurring on Facebook RIGHT NOW! Go join!), an old woman was inching her way through the crosswalk, leaning heavily on a cane. She took one look at me, scowled, and then spit out, "How can you do that to yourself? You should be ashamed."
I actually looked behind me, because really? What the frak?
My intelligent retort? "Whut?"
"You look like a damned fool with that hair and those...tattoos."
"Um."
"You ruined the skin God gave you and that hair is disgusting."
A flash of the tagline on reddit's tattoo subreddit zipped through my head. My body is a temple and I'm just decorating the walls. I wish I'd said it, but all that came out was, "Yeah, well..."
At this point, I don't even know why I'm still standing there. If she'd been my age, I would have shrugged and walked off, probably with an expletive or two. Truthfully, I haven't outgrown the whole respect your elders thing, and tend to let people that much older than myself off the hook for some of the vile crap that spews forth.
Not sure what I'll do when I'm that old.
"Your. Hair."
"Is none of your business."
And that's when I walked off, because the next words out of my mouth would have been ill-spirited and very unkind...plus she had that cane and I was fairly certain she wouldn't have a problem about whacking me with it. There is no defending yourself against a fragile old woman; even if it's warranted, you wind up looking like the bad guy.
Not that I've ever beaten up an old person...but you know I'm right.
The thing is, a couple years ago that might have really bothered me. Now...sure, she's a bigoted dipwad who has probably just lost the filters that years ago would have kept that opinion teetering on the tip of her tongue as she bit down hard with her front teeth, but it didn't tick me off.
It's almost--almost--funny.
And if my feelings had been hurt, the teenager two minutes later would have totally made up for it. As I loaded the Spouse Thingy's baby oil and bubblewrap into the trunk--keep guessing, you kinky little freaks--a 15-16 year old walked by with her mother and squealed, "OhymygodIloveyourhair!"
As I thanked her, she turned to her mother and said, "You should do that! You would look great!"
Mom muttered about not having the nerve and they continued on. If my brain worked fast enough I think I might have asked them to find the old lady and run her over with a shopping cart, but I suppose it's a good thing I can't think that fast.
Oh, come on. I wouldn't have.
I think.
8 comments:
What ever happened to the good manners these old farts were supposed to have had back in the olden days??
Also, THIS is why I hate going to Wally World. People are RUDE.
Also, the bubble wrap and Baby oil? It wasn't that great...
eh...her punishment is to be her. I remember when my grandmother decided that she didn't have to filter what she said any more because she was old enough to say what she wanted. I suspect the old lady you encountered was the same. My grandmother hurt a lot of feelings in the years that ensued. I think it doesn't matter how old you are - if you can't say something nice...
She may have brain damage of the kind that rots the empathy circuits as well as the filters. Lots of folks in nursing homes spitting out foul language who would never have thought it in their youth.
So you know, because you're probably thinking of what you might have said, how about, "I just bought my husband some bubble wrap and baby oil. What did you buy yours?" Because you know, then she would really be all HUH? And thinking you are even wickeder than you were...
Sheesh. I remember when I was 15 and mom wouldn't let me get a second piercing on my earlobe. She Pretty much spat out at me "why that's just mutilation!" I never forgot it,but I never held it against her. But when I turned 50 I got that double piercing. She 91 now and has bad eyesight so she can't see it...
In my 'just before retirement' years I work part-time retail...supervising in a drugstore. One with a seniors' day...almost every week.
I'm old enough to appreciate the music...not old enough to appreciate any excuses for some of the nastiness on display.
Actually had two ladies (two different occasions)...come back & apologize for being so nasty.
So they did know...they just chose to 'let er rip' at the time.
lol, she sounds awful. I know what you mean about not wanting to talk back too much. It's very ingrained in a lot of us to respect the elderly. I wonder how many of them take advantage of that. Oh well. When I get to my dotage, I plan to be Ouisa from Steel Magnolias. Brassy, rude, to the point, but still possessing a tender heart under the prickles. I think the lady you encountered was aiming for a mean spirited Sophia from Golden Girls.
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