Things I Never Thought I Would Hear Myself Say

  • We don’t eat Jesus.
  • Please stop rubbing your testicles on my cheek.
  • My head is not a chair.
  • Poop does not belong on the bathroom walls.
  • Go sleep in the bathtub.
  • Go dig in the trash and find yourself a toilet paper tube to play with.
  • Get your face out of the garbage disposal.
  • Carpet is not food.
  • Stop trying to eat my bra.
  • If you don’t stop running your testicles on my face, I am going to twist them off.

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