Thumper Thinks Out Loud

I’m so smart that when I die, my brain should be put in a jar and kept out on display somewhere, like maybe the Smithsonian, so the whole world can admire it. It should even have its own special place, in a room on a pedestal with enhanced lighting, and with a surcharge to enter the Arena Of Thumper’s Brain. Because I am that smart.

My intelligence is evidenced by the fact that it is 3 a.m., and I am still wide awake. Because I am so smart, I decided that I would go without my nightly dose of Benedryl for a while. Why? Because somehow I worked up to a dose of 100mg a night, twice what I used to take, and it was making me a little sluggish in the morning. I figured if I just cut the dose back, it wouldn’t make me sleepy at all, so the answer was to go without it entirely. Then after a few nights, I could go back to the 50 mg dose and sleep like a baby. You know, a baby who's been dosed up with one of those little plastic medicine cups filled with grape Dimetapp.

See, it takes someone very intelligent to come up with that plan.

Never mind the fact that this is night 2 of No Benedryl and I’m not sleeping. Never mind that last night I did fall asleep easy, but I woke up 7 or 8 times. I had the Perfect Idea! Because I’m smart! I’m so smart I did not factor FMS into the equation! Let’s just forget the reason I take Benedryl in the first place is to address the sleep issues that go with having that, and when I don’t sleep well, I get achy!

It's frightening, having this level of intelligence.

Yep. I am so smart, you’re lucky I don’t charge admission to my blog.