When I Am Old I Shall Not Block The Aisles

Military retirees in the commissary are something one must experience. There is, evidently, something about age combined with retiring from the military that causes one to stand in the middle of the aisle, shopping cart turned sideways, oblivious to the line of people waiting patiently to get around and out of the aisle.

And yes, people tend to wait patiently for the retirees in the commissary. Because you never know what kinds of horrors they’ve already endured during their time in service; it would be incredibly rude to compound that by being, well… rude.

I am determines, however, that I will not become one of those old people blocking the commissary aisles.

Today I determined that I will also not become one of those old people who don’t watch where they’re going in places like Golden Corral Buffet or Ponderosa Steak House.

We discovered today that Monday-Friday from 1pm to 3pm is Senior Citizens Discount Lunch at the Golden Corral. We walked in a little after 2 pm and other than one couple with kids, we were the youngest people there. It was packed with seniors determined to get their $5.00 worth—and God help anyone getting in their way. In my attempt to get some mashed potatoes I was blocked off by one old woman who just was not watching where she was going, bumped by another old woman who seemed fearful that I was going to take the entire bin of gravy, and cut off by two different old men while simply trying to get to the orange sherbet.

These are all probably very nice people, I’m sure. But they were either oblivious to the people around them, or they wanted to be sure they got to everything before I did.

The last time we ate there, about 3 weeks ago, I sat there munching on strawberries and watermelon as a Very Old Man started to walk past, and just as he was directly in my line of site, he barfed. Not just a little spit up, he heaved everything he had just eaten onto the tile floor. And he had eaten quite a bit.

When I am old, I shall not stuff myself to explosion at the buffet—another promise to myself.

Or maybe I will. When I am old, I’ll probably deserve it, and will just want to piss off all the young people.

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