I stopped keeping track of the pounds when Max started on his roller coaster and other than racking up miles for the Great Cycle Challenge in September, I haven't been nearly as active as I was before. I was getting some miles in, but not with the intensity I needed and not as many as I normally would have, and I honestly did not care.
My focus was on the cats, not on myself so much, and especially after Buddah died I just didn't care to pay a lot of attention to what I ate and how much. I doubled down when Max died.
Straight up, I don't care about the weight. It's not something I'm going to beat myself up about, because kummerspeck is a real thing and I think kinda necessary to function when the worst hits. But it's also time to get back on the bike, back to tracking food, and to get what I gained off, and then some.
For the record, it's 15 pounds since July.
I just need to get those off plus a few bonus pounds before I see my endocrinologist in June. I mean, she would understand, but my self-competitive streak will not want to get on the scale at my appointment unless I'm a little lower than I was last June. I'd been on a pretty decent but slow loss of body fat and I have a goal in mind. It's just going to take a little longer to get there now. I'm giving myself today and tomorrow, mostly because there's cookie dough in the fridge to be baked and I damn well want some, and cinnamon rolls to bake in the morning if I wake up before the Spouse Thingy goes to bed.
Still, it's time to get back to taking better care of myself.
The switch flipped for me last night, I think, because Max's ashes were ready for pickup, and he's now home, resting in his TARDIS next to Buddah. It's time to reach for a greater sense of happy.
A friend asked me what I thought I'd blog about from here on out, given that a lot of what I talked about was my cats.
I don't know.
So...we'll see.
I'm almost ready to get back to work; I probably would have today, but instead I'm decorating for the holidays, and my goal is to make this place look like Christmas threw up all over the house. I'm not sure we'll decorate outside, but inside? Hell yes.
This year has sucked so freaking hard...but maybe the rest of it doesn't have to.
I will miss the little furballs and I doubt I'll make it through a day without tears for a while, but...it's time to be happy and just enjoy things, and be grateful for the time we had.
5 comments:
Deck the halls - it does help. From Perfectly Parker’s mom.
I love the Tardis for Max. The black cat urn for Buddah is awesome. Tears are acceptable at this time. I still get teary and I only know them through the blog. But they meant a lot to me as do you and Spouse Thingy. Stay strong you have many friends prayer or you.
Max's TARDIS is beautiful, as is Buddah's urn. I still tear up too, and like Lynn,I only know you all through the blogs and books. Please know that alot of people grieve with you.
I think a lot of us have gone the wrong way on the scale this year, you've had more reasons for the slide than most of us.
Ease yourself back into your exercise routine, you have the right mindset of slow and steady progress. Take the time now to heal the holes in your heart and find joy again.
Please keep blogging when the muse strikes, we'll be looking forward to it.
Cry all you need, I understand. And then when you're ready start taking care of yourself. It's been such a hard year. Sending love.
Jan.
Love to you and M.
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