13 May 2019

I've spent the last 5 days doing as little as possible, because moving is 120 kinds of suck and I am a delicate snowflake unwilling to suck up the suck. I've plastered myself into my recliner with the TV playing stuff I'm not really watching, my computer in my lap, and have spent more hours than is healthy scrolling through Reddit. And it's all because one afternoon last week I bent over to scrape the food on Max's plate into a little pile. He has issues getting all the food into his mouth now, and it helps if we pile it back up 2-3 times while he eats.

He's gotten so used to it that when it spreads thin, he sits down and waits.

But, I bent over to scrape, pain exploded in my lower back. It settled in one spot, an angry knot of ouch that is only feeling a little better today. Because of the pain, I haven't gotten more than 4 hours a sleep a night, so my brain has not been fully engaged.

Thus, I sit and scroll, reading but not reading, and getting absolutely nothing productive done. The house is a disaster (really, don't come over, I won't open the door it's so bad) and it's going to stay that way for a few more days...even if I miraculously heal overnight, I'm not risking moving the wrong way and starting this shit show all over.

So today I'll probably sit here and scroll, maybe write a bit. Then scroll some more.

This morning I surfed through Facebook and Reddit, reading posts about Mother's Day and the things people did. Most were cute, most were fun and funny, but a They made me feel twitchy, and not because these were from people hurting because their mother's are gone and it's a hard day for them.

No, what bothered me were posts from people who are--and this is good--doing things to improve their health. There was a theme: DH and the kids took me to breakfast, but I was good and I didn't get the pancakes; I got fruit instead. My husband brought home donuts for me, but I was good and I didn't eat one. The kids gave me a box of candy, but I was good and let them eat it all. we went to my favorite pizza place, but I was good and had a salad while the kids and husband had a pepperoni pizza.

It seriously bothers me when people deny themselves a treat and label it as good behavior. It seriously bothers me when people allow themselves a treat and label it as being bad, as if a donut or a couple pieces of chocolate is personal failure.

I understand the frustration of trying to lose weight and get healthier. Hell, I've been watching what I eat, counting calories, tracking exercise, and I hit a plateau a couple months ago and haven't lost a damned thing. I'm 8-10 pounds behind on my goal. It sucks, but it is what it is. I wanted to go to my next endocrinologist appointment at least 10 pounds lighter than I currently am, but with two weeks to go, that's not happening.

Oh, well.

I'm pretty tight with the calories. But when the Spouse Thingy was off a few weeks ago, we went out to eat a couple times, and at no point did I feel like I was being "bad." Food should not, not ever, make you feel like you're engaging in negative behavior. It's just food; you have to eat. And there's nothing wrong with the occasional indulgence.

I get it if you make the salad choice because pizza might be a trigger. I understand if the calories in that donut or chocolate just aren't worth it. But denying yourself isn't "being good." The flipside is that if you made a different choice, you'd "be bad," and peoples...eating is not bad behavior.

Your kids are listening. They're watching. Letting them see you make good choice is admirable; hearing you label your choice as being good sets them up for issues later. Change the narrative; it's not being good, it's appreciating that the foods you're choosing make you feel better and healthier. Let them hear that you enjoy that salad. Let them understand that once in a while a donut is a fine choice, but right now it's not something you want to eat.

And if you really do want it, eat it. Account for the calories and move on.

Have the donut, and if it looks like it will make you go over your total for the day, take a walk or bike ride and burn it off.

Enjoy your food, because you're not getting through life without it, and a life of deprivation is only going to make you miserable while setting you up for a spectacular binge.

You're not being good if you pass up on a treat.
You're not being bad if you eat it.
You're simply making a choice, and that doesn't need a label.


Vicat said...

Food was usually a reward or punishment for me growing up, and I've dealt with the aftermath my entire life.

caircair said...

I've always found it interesting that when a woman says "I was so bad this weekend", she's invariably talking about food. But when a man says "I was so bad this weekend", he's most likely talking about women.

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Marley, and Laz) said...

"The house is a disaster (really, don't come over, I won't open the door it's so bad)". Darn, and I was planning a surprise visit! ;)

My mom died 9 years ago. She was both a good mother and a good friend; we had a lot in common. But I don't feel terrible that she died. She was 86, had a happy life, and saw grandchildren. I just remember the good years.

I'm of an age where back problems are starting to get routine. A day bending over to plant seedlings, cleaning the litter boxes, or pulling weeds will do it. And using loppers or other gripped tools cause hand-clenches. Aspercreme helps a lot. It acts locally (as opposed to pills which are whole-body).

I agree about food choices. I LIKE most healthy foods, but there are some I don't like (and don't eat) and that doesn't bother me at all. I believe in variety, and if you get that, you don't have any serious problems.

A typical dinner is 3-4 oz of meat, a green veg, a red/orange veg, a starch, and a Taj Mahal of tossed salads. Let's say a bed of various lettuces with carrot, cukes, tomatoes, celery, chick peas, olives, onion, etc with any of various dressings. Desert is a large bowl of mixed fresh fruit. With 2 glasses of red wine.

The veggies can be almost anything. I love beans, broccoli, spinach, asparagus, squash, beets, bell peppers, corn, sweet potatoes, gold potatoes, brussel sprouts, and bok choy.

And I usually have a couple Lindt extra dark chocolate truffles. I agree there is nothing wrong with a little treat...

I'm lucky I just LIKE all that kind of stuff.