20 January 2011

How to annoy your entire readership of 6 people: find yourself a little too blog-blocked to be able to write anything worth their time. Granted, that doesn't stop me often, but the last ten days or so...yeah, not a lot to tell.

Well, other than I've pretty much decided for sure to walk the SGK 3 Day in San Francisco again, so training will resume on that front soon. As will the training blog and rock The Pink, when I decide what the heck to do with it.

And other than that I've been working on the next book--really working! What a concept! Even when I'm playing around online, the story is percolating in the back of my head and I find myself distracted anytime I try to write anything else. Like, right now. I'm tapping away on the keyboard for my blog, but I have Word open and I can feel the characters who are waiting there tapping their feet impatiently. I'm keeping them waiting because they're adults on a first date, and frankly, I've never been 30 years old on a first date and I'm out of my element there. Hell, even as a teenager I didn't have a lot of first dates. I had a lot of hanging out with friends that turned into dating. Even with the Spouse Thingy, our first "date" was bowling with friends who never showed up, and it turned into us bowling alone and then going for a walk through Orangevale Park on a rainy night.

The worst of the last ten days, though, came yesterday when word filtered through on Facebook about the loss of a friend. Her name was Tracy Crowe, and anyone who hung around Wil Wheaton's Soapbox a few years ago probably not only knew her, but liked her immensely. She went through a few user names--Just Trae, blackbirdshaq--but my favorite was RunsWithScissors. She was funny as hell, warm and wonderful, and far, far too young to die.

One of the last things I'd mentioned to her was that she shares a name with my editor, and once in a while I'd have to stop to think about which Tracy I was talking to. When editor Tracy saw on my FB page about the passing of my friend, she reacted from her gut and sent a message: I don't know who said that, but I'm fine!

When I explained about my other Tracy Crowe, and how wonderful she was and how young, editor Tracy replied with this:

Hon, I would trade places with her if I could. I've had such a long and incredible life, and if only there were a way that the Tracys could swap.

The thing is, I know she means it.

I wouldn't want either Tracy out of my life. Editor Tracy is old and mean and tries her best to make me cry, but she is also the kind of person who would say something like that and mean it.

You know, most of my friends are of the online variety, and I treasure them deeply. You don't have to meet someone face to face to develop genuine feelings of affection for someone. It's wonderful when you actually do get to meet, but those friendships...just as real.

My online friends have brought a lot into my life--some I've known (and have met) for 20 years, some manage to make me do things like walk 60 miles up and down the Hills from Hell--and when I lose one...

Tracy wasn't the first, but I hope she's the last for a long, long time.


gizzylaw said...

My heart is with you. I know your pain and the hard time you are and will have acknowledging that she is no longer with you.
I am here if you want to talk or write or communicate in any way.
I am, and always will be, your friend. (thank you, Spock!)

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Yes. So many people don't understand how I can be so attached to so many people I have never met except via the keyboard...

Roses said...


debzy said...

Your readership far exceeds 6, but you know that. I read your blog no matter what and I followed your progress on your hellish walk. I envied your courage and conviction in what you believed. I'm sure you helped many people you don't even know. To lose one that you do know seems almost cruel. I'm sorry for your loss - my heart goes out to you. I hope the pain will ease in time. Cherish the memories.

jenianddean said...

So sorry for your loss. It is hard because I know what you mean about the online friendships -- they are as real as any I've made in recent years.

(Oh, and the six readers are five more than I have -- only my Mom reads my blog, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't...)

Angel and Kirby said...

I understand having more online friends than face to face friends. I am so sorry that you lost a friend no matter how young or old, it still hurts. We have missed you but totally understand blog-block!

Char said...

Anyone who thinks an online friend is lesser has never had a really good online friend. I see how many people on FB are hurting because Tracy is gone, and all I can think is that she must have been absolutely wonderful.

And you're allowed to be a little blog blogged as long as you finish the book and let me read it before anyone else ;)

Dawn said...

Yes, we are more than 6. I check every day--I was hoping you were having fun in the snow. Writing a book may not be as fun, but I hope you are enjoying it. At least you can't bang your shoulder up while you are writing. I am sorry about your friend, and hope the other Tracy stays well.

Lemon Stand said...

{{Hugs}} from follower number 293,136.

Dee and Pixie & Sami Cats said...

Your blog is well over 6 more like 60, we have all lost someone at one time or other. Our hearts are with you and all that knew Tracy.

LadyC said...

Definitely more than 6. :) We love you and feel for you. Sorry about your friend.

We had a friend who was a nice guy that we knew online through an mmorpg that was always the first to help others with quests or say a kind word. Other times, we just chatted about real life while waiting for monsters to spawn. We only had 2 meets in person with him on guild get-togethers. When he passed away, several members of our guild traveled out of state to be at his funeral.

All friendships are what you make them.