5 May 2014

Things that went through my brain and annoyed me before noon today and I share in an unnecessary display of passive-aggressive bitchiness, so if your feelings are hurt I'm sorry but only a little because I gotta get this out or I'll chew on things all day. Also, I'm apparently learning writing skills from Buddah:

I already know, okay?

♦ Seriously, do not look at a picture I've posted and then cave into your want of messaging me to say, "Hey you really do have resting bitch face!" 1 - I already know it, and 2 - I don't find it as amusing as you do. When several people apparently have some need to point it out, it's definitely not funny; you all might as well PM me and say, "Hey, you're kind of ugly." I know you didn't mean it to come across as it did, but damn...

♦ Yeah...that motorcycle you claim to have just purchased? Cropping the picture of it in an artful way did not conceal the fact that it's a charity event bike, one I have seen a couple of times already. What makes it even more bizarre is that you're the second person I know to claim to have bought this same bike in the last year.

I don't really care if you actually own a bike or not; there are no extra fake Internet points for having a motorcycle. I already like you; if you have a need to impress me... stop. I'm not worth that kind of effort. No one is. I don't understand it. But if you have a need to own an actual motorcycle? I have two in the garage and both are for sale. I'll even cut you a deal.

Not the posted tattoo...just one I like

♦ On that same note: that tattoo you got last night and posted to Twitter? It's beautiful. In fact, I liked it a lot the first time I saw it on reddit. Last year. On the same shoulder. With the exact same clutter in the background. And damn, when did you dye your hair blonde? As far as I knew, you were a brunette. I can understand sharing the picture as something you saw and loved, but come on...don't try to pass it off as your own.

♦ When I die, the first person to utter the words (or post them online) that I've "sprouted wings" or I've "gone to be with Jesus" will be haunted hard core for roughly 6-8 weeks. Don't use cotton-candy coated words. I'm dead. You can say it. She died. Euphemisms aren't necessary; if you HAVE to use one, I'm "headed for the Bridge to play with the cats and dogs" because that would  be my first stop if I had a choice. But really...those soft, saccharine ways of saying someone died are part of why I dislike institutional religion: the words, the whole mind-thought of the church, tends to infantalize people.

I won't have wings; I'll be dead. Simple as that.

If I do have wings, terrific, but I really don't think so. Somehow I doubt they're needed in the next life or afterlife or whatever you want to call it.

♦ Cat breath .25 mm from my face as I'm waking up. Dude, I know I feed you the stuff that makes your breath smell like death, but come on. I don't need to share in your joy of it.

♦ Stupid shit annoying me. Stupid shit should not annoy me, but it does.

♦ Not having a nice way to end this.