Monday

5 May 2014

Things that went through my brain and annoyed me before noon today and I share in an unnecessary display of passive-aggressive bitchiness, so if your feelings are hurt I'm sorry but only a little because I gotta get this out or I'll chew on things all day. Also, I'm apparently learning writing skills from Buddah:

I already know, okay?
♦ Seriously, do not look at a picture I've posted and then cave into your want of messaging me to say, "Hey you really do have resting bitch face!" 1 - I already know it, and 2 - I don't find it as amusing as you do. When several people apparently have some need to point it out, it's definitely not funny; you all might as well PM me and say, "Hey, you're kind of ugly." I know you didn't mean it to come across as it did, but damn...

♦ Yeah...that motorcycle you claim to have just purchased? Cropping the picture of it in an artful way did not conceal the fact that it's a charity event bike, one I have seen a couple of times already. What makes it even more bizarre is that you're the second person I know to claim to have bought this same bike in the last year.

I don't really care if you actually own a bike or not; there are no extra fake Internet points for having a motorcycle. I already like you; if you have a need to impress me... stop. I'm not worth that kind of effort. No one is. I don't understand it. But if you have a need to own an actual motorcycle? I have two in the garage and both are for sale. I'll even cut you a deal.

Not the posted tattoo...just one I like
♦ On that same note: that tattoo you got last night and posted to Twitter? It's beautiful. In fact, I liked it a lot the first time I saw it on reddit. Last year. On the same shoulder. With the exact same clutter in the background. And damn, when did you dye your hair blonde? As far as I knew, you were a brunette. I can understand sharing the picture as something you saw and loved, but come on...don't try to pass it off as your own.

♦ When I die, the first person to utter the words (or post them online) that I've "sprouted wings" or I've "gone to be with Jesus" will be haunted hard core for roughly 6-8 weeks. Don't use cotton-candy coated words. I'm dead. You can say it. She died. Euphemisms aren't necessary; if you HAVE to use one, I'm "headed for the Bridge to play with the cats and dogs" because that would  be my first stop if I had a choice. But really...those soft, saccharine ways of saying someone died are part of why I dislike institutional religion: the words, the whole mind-thought of the church, tends to infantalize people.

I won't have wings; I'll be dead. Simple as that.

If I do have wings, terrific, but I really don't think so. Somehow I doubt they're needed in the next life or afterlife or whatever you want to call it.

♦ Cat breath .25 mm from my face as I'm waking up. Dude, I know I feed you the stuff that makes your breath smell like death, but come on. I don't need to share in your joy of it.

♦ Stupid shit annoying me. Stupid shit should not annoy me, but it does.

♦ Not having a nice way to end this.

7 comments:

Shannon akaMonty said...

I'm in your corner. Also I have a similar (only with different gripes) passive/aggressive/mean post in my drafts entitled "Unpublished Comments". :)
Also people are stupid and suck-filled.

xoxoxox

Oh and PS: I do believe in the afterlife, but I also believe there's nothing wrong with saying someone DIED. Srsly. Also if I'm right and there IS an afterlife, I'm going to ask God what the policy on haunting is, because that's what I want to sign up for.

Jan Scholl said...

So and so passed. Passed what, may I ask? And why did Jesus call them home when their house is down the street and perfectly fine...were they squatters? I hope I die alone and no one finds me. Probably be the only peaceful time I ever have with this bunch of loonies running around me.

debzy said...

I always find it amazing what people will do or say on the internet that they wouldn't have the balls to say to someone's face. I am frankly in awe at the stupidity I see on a daily basis. Stupid shit annoys me too.

And it didn't need a nice ending. I want you to know that I appreciate you getting some of those things out there. It won't make people think twice before they are stupid but it makes some of us feel better.

olrebbie said...

Oh, sister under the skin! Well said, well spoken!

conny warren said...

I'm definitely with you. Especially the first one. I want to start punching anyone who tells me, "Smile. It can't be that bad." It actually wasn't until they opened their mouth.

Victoria Henderson said...

Are you cool with, "Karen? Oh, man, you didn't hear? She bit the big one and bit it *hard* and weird! There was this freak blender accident that could only ever happen to her...."
Just clarifying.
And BRF beats all hell out of botoxed to the point of not able to express emotion any day!
~V

Thumper said...

If I die in some freak accident, y'all BETTER share the details. I would prefer to go out in a story-worthy trail of glory if I don't just die in my sleep at 120.

For the record, I would prefer the latter...if I have enough $$ to last that long.