Words Of Wisdom From The Walmart McD's

  • If you have a mouthful of food, more than you can actually chew, it's not a good time to lecture your kid on table manners.
  • If you don't understand that pre-approval credit card form, having your friend help you fill it out is not a good idea, especially not when you announce your social security number while doing it.
  • If your friend tells you that to build good credit you need to get yourself 5 or 6 cards and use them liberally, your friend is an idiot. If you take said friends' advice; well, that's probably why you spit sprays of a Big Mac all over the place while you lectured your kid on why we don't put our elbows on the table.
  • If you're going to get your nads pierced, keep that to yourself when everyone else is eating. Don't add that your butt tattoo is healing nicely.
  • If you don't want lots of people staring at you, don't ask your friend, while gesturing to your cart filled with Coke, chips, and cookies--especially after discussing how it's going to cost you $300 to get your nads pierced--if Walmart takes Food Stamps.
  • If you return to the Walmart McDs and start picking on a random twelve year old for the egregious error of taking too long at the soda fountain, don't be surprised when people get upset with you.
  • If you shove that twelve year old, don't act all "Whut?" when a bunch of people stand up.
  • If someone bigger than you gets up and gets between you and the kid, really don't be surprised when said someone warns you about picking on someone smaller than you.
  • If you take a swing at said someone and they duck and you hit the wall, and then said someone palm heels you in the gut, don't get mad if people laugh at you, even if one of them is the approaching security guard.
  • If any of this rings a bell with you, do the world a favor and after you get out of jail, stay home. You're just not ready to be out in public.

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