Thumper Thinks Out Loud

I had just pulled out of my driveway and was headed down the street, destination library, when a lady in a minivan blew the stop sign at the corner near our house; she missed me by about an inch--no exaggeration--and stopped only long enough to look at me like "Why are you there? No one is supposed to be there."

I pointed to the stop sign and yelled "There's a freaking STOP SIGN!"

She went on, looking confused. I don't know why; the stop sign is always there. It's not exactly a suggestion; you're supposed to come to a complete stop behind the limit line where a stop sign exists. It's one of the first things you learn in driver's ed. It's not even a difficult concept: see the red octagon, and stop. You don't even have to be able to read.

But she looked confused, and I wondered if she was having a bad day. Maybe she just lost her job. Maybe someone died. Maybe life was just so overwhelming at that moment that she just didn't see the stop sign.

Maybe.

But I don't care. Her right to have a bad day and drive ends where my personal safety begins. If I'd been a little quicker on the gas coming out of the driveway, she would have slammed into the passenger side of my car. And while the car is just a thing and can be repaired or replaced, the person inside might not be so lucky. And if I'd been on the bike, I would have been a little quicker on the gas. And that would have ruined MY day.


And we all know my day is more important.

It's all about me.

Yes, I'm now having an All About Me Day; I'm at the library and there are kids over in the corner laughing, and it's irritating the crap out of me. Normally I don't care. Some guy just answered his cell phone, and usually that doesn't bother me if they speak in a soft voice. He's dang near whispering, and I want to grab the phone and shove it up his left nostril. (You thought I was going to say ass, didn't you? Ha! But that would not be nearly as painful as a nostril, I don't think. People shove things up their buttockal region all the time, but I've never heard of anyone going to the ER because they tried to wedge a hamster up their nose.) There's a Library Lady shelving DVDs and the tick of the plastic on the metal shelf kind of makes me want to get up and scream This is a farking library! It's for BOOKS not some freaking movie rental place!

Yeah, not a good day now, though it was when I got up, even though I was woken by an odd dream about alien invasion and not being able to find the cats to get them to safety at the Little House On The Prairie. When I left the house I was in a good mood.

Some lady blows through a stop sign and now I want to chew nails and spit them out at little children.

So. I am going to shut the computer down. Stick it in my backpack, leave without saying a word to anyone lest I really offend, and I'm taking myself out to lunch, because we all know a burger and fries cures all.

And maybe this afternoon won't be all about me. Well, it should be all about me, but not in a I-want-to-rip-your-face-off kind of way.

My battery is dying anyway.

That's as good an excuse as any to stop working. A dying battery, and a desire to say mean things to small children.

Yes, I should definitely go.

Maybe a chocolate shake is in order.

Yep.