22 September 2023

 Last weekend, I decided it was time to stop "bedtime" and let the little monsters have run of the house at night. No lie, I really expected it was going to be horrible for a couple of weeks and I would get zero sleep, but they surprised me.

First night was confusing for them, I'm sure. At "bedtime," when I went into their room to put out fresh food and clean the litter box, CJ tried to herd Ozzy into the room. It took a heartbeat after I turned the light out for them to realize I'd left the gate open. Ozzy bolted down the hall like I'm freeeeeee! I'm freeeee! and I'm not sure what CJ did, but less than two minutes after I was in bed he was on top of me, purring away. He wiggled, crammed himself int my throat, and finally went to sleep.

For about 15 minutes.

It was a pattern all night long. Go do Cat Things for a bit, then come back and molest my armpits, drool on me (and in my armpits), mush my flesh with his tiny little death blades, then run off only to return.

I heard nothing from Ozzy. I slept in snatches, and at about 4:45 in the morning I heard a tiny, squeak meow. It wasn't CJ; he was busy drooling into my armpit. So I went to investigate and Ozzy was on top of the tallest bookcases, and I think she'd been there all night.

At the time she had just learned to get to UP but wasn't that good at finding DOWN. I flipped a light on, told her it was safe, and she found a way down.

Night two started off with as much kitten noise as you can imagine, both of them running around the bedroom like their little asterisks were on fire--and I discovered that CJ's coveted toy mousie with a rattle in it sounds a lot like plastic being chewed on at night--but after that CJ jumped on the bed to sleep with me, and Ozzy went off to do Ozzy things.

Sleep was not undisturbed because he kept getting up and coming back, but he slept in long stretches, which  meant I could, too.

And after that...it was not a big deal. CJ has made me his bed and declared it her territory (he will not let Ozzy on the bed at night) and they're not making a ton of noise. Monday night the Spouse Thingy was home so there was a lot of excitement about his CPAP machine and how the sheets fluttered when his Bed Jet was on, but they let me sleep.

Bedtime is now for me, not them. They notice when I grab a drink and my phone and head to the back of the house and follow me, waiting patiently while I brush my teeth. Then it's Fresh Food Time, and they eat without worrying that gate will close, and after that Ozzy helps scoop the box, chasing the scoop as it moves through the litter, and they'll stay in the room after I turn the light out. No worries about being trapped.

What I was afraid would be a couple weeks of torture was basically a non-event.

Ngl, lol, I might be a little disappointed that they didn't go bat crap crazy for a while. I think I was hoping for a ton of funny cat stories, but all I got was armpit drool.