Monday

31 August 2015

I’m still angry. I’ll probably be some grade of angry for a while, until I hit that sweet spot of not giving a damn anymore, when the whole thing becomes an afterthought. Something I won’t think about until someone else mentions it, and it will take my brain a second or two to engage and respond with “Oh. Yeah…huh.”

Here’s the thing: if this had been someone else, someone I only knew as a name online or it was the friend of a friend of a friend, I would not have been at all surprised. The Internet is littered with dipshits doing the same thing in one vein or another. Catfishing, digital kidnapping, bogus support pleas. It’s not unusual. It’s wrong, but not at all unusual.

What I don’t want to do is dwell on it…which is proving to not be as easy as I hoped, mostly because the result of my knee jerk reaction of emailing a coach to change the city I was registered to walk in and of messaging my doc about walking was a coach changing my city with no other work necessary on my part, and my doc saying—with some caveats—that I could walk.

Mentally, I was prepared for not walking this year; I’d finally gotten to that point. Now I’m back at the start, wanting to walk and not knowing if I should try or blow it off.

There are 12 weeks to go. I can train for the distance I’d walk (which would not be the entire 60 miles, to be honest) but that’s only 12 weeks to raise $2000. I don’t think I can do that.

So there’s something else to be angry about. Being put in this position. I had finally gotten to being all right with not walking this year.

I can get all right with it again, but still.

And here’s the part where I’m honest with myself: I want the damn victory shirt. This year it’s a spiffy magenta color instead of white, and dammit, I wanted one. Sure, sure, raise money to save the boobies, of course. But…MAGENTA.

Shuddup.

I know I’m immature.

And yes, I own other magenta shirts.

But not that one.

Now…how sorry should you feel for me?

Yeah…this sorry…this is how I shall soothe myself:

Don't worry about the lack of gear...it's not moving.
Scooter rides.

So maybe I won’t have all the training time. I have rides to take.

Granted, rides to the gym, but still.

Fun times :)

5 comments:

Jane2 said...

Cut yourself some slack, and don't push it for no reason...that just leads to injury. Train slowly for next year.

Random Felines said...

You can't fix stupid, unfortunately you aren't allowed to run it over either. Sometimes the best you can do is admit that you want to believe the best in people, which isn't a bad thing, and then breathe.

Cary Hillman said...

The fact that you were so willing to change things and give it a try says a lot about you. And the person who did that...that says a lot about her. You done good!

Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

You have every right to feel as you feel. Don't try to talk yourself out of it.

Some people aren't happy unless they are reaking havoc.

Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

You have every right to feel as you feel. Don't try to talk yourself out of it.

Some people aren't happy unless they are reaking havoc.